All the drunk personas you are bound to run into on your walk home from the bars

The walk home from the bar provides the pinnacle of people watching. Like a nature program for drunken almost-adults, this homeward-bound wagon trail always proves to be a shit-show, and there are some classic recurring characters. These are 5 types of people you'll come across on your stumble home:

The Hypebeast

The Hypebeast is happy, hammered, and just wants to rage. This dude has spent the night pounding enough Red Bull Vodkas to kill an elephant, and now he's turned loose in the streets to make sure everybody in nearby apartments are still awake at 3 am. The mix of jet-fuel in his blood has his heart ready to explode, and he's going to Hulk-smash whatever shit he comes across on the way home. Glass bottles, garbage cans, and cars' side mirrors all become sworn enemies. The alcohol in his system ensures he's ready to make some terrible decisions and feel no pain, but the caffeine enables him to retain motor functions, effectively making him a superhuman.

The Hypebeast is usually surrounded by some friends trying to reign him in. Either that, or he just kind of spins himself out and falls asleep outside somewhere. He probably says "lit" a lot, and has a coronary scan like John Belushi.

The UFC Fighter

Everyone knows this guy. He goes out looking for a fight. When he's at the bar he's probably mean mugging, soft flexing, and rotating between eyeballing people and looking down at his crossed arms just to making sure he's properly fluffed and looking swole. The UFC Fighter really comes alive on the walk home when he's sufficiently hammered, and ready to take out his low self-esteem on someone with some shit he saw on The Ultimate Fighter.

The only time you want to see The UFC Fighter on your walk home is if you're watching the show from afar. You will probably hear him before you see him, yelling something something "beat your ass" something something "bro." If you stick around long enough the cops will probably show up eventually. It's a safe bet that this guy drives a lifted truck.

The Instigator

Without The UFC Fighter, The Instigator couldn't exist. This person is usually witty, sarcastic, and just can't help themselves. When you see a pissed off bro starting some shit, the smart move is to just keep walking and observe from a distance, but Instigators just HAVE to throw in some smart ass comment as they go by.

Instigators are great at making pissed-off people more pissed-off. Trolling and patronizing are their specialties and they usually don't even mean anything they say. Not only are Instigators great at pissing off their drunker and slower-minded counterparts, but they somehow always deflect the anger onto someone else, and avoid any consequence. Your friend The Instigator will probably almost get your ass kicked on multiple occasions, but on some level, its worth it just for the comedy.

The Walking Dead

This zombie of a human being is no longer recording memories by the time they start their walk home. You'll see this person stuck in an epic battle with gravity, and the only thing keeping them moving is their involuntary forward lean. Almost always spotted alone, they perfectly time their blackouts to teleport home from the bar. One minute they're ordering a drink, sporting some wobbly sea legs, and the next, they wake up.

You'll spend most of the night with an eye on your Zombie friend only to lose track of him or her the second you let your guard down. In the morning, you'll see on their obnoxious five minute snap story, that they somehow packed Project X into the last 2 hours of night, and they will have about as much of an idea what happened or how they got there as you.

The Drouple

The Drouple, or drunk couple, is a classic. It is written in stone that every night you go out, you will see a sloppy couple drunk-fighting. Usually immersed in their own little world, arguing on some random stoop along the road home, neither girlfriend nor boyfriend has even the slightest idea what they are fighting about because they are both totally tanked. If you take the time to listen in to the banter, you will hear a lot of incoherent slurring and unintelligible complaints through drunken sobs. There is no making sense of this, just have to let 'em do their thing.

Observing from a distance, the scene usually plays out like this: girl and guy making wild hand gestures, yelling, girl slaps guy and tries to walk away, guy follows her and gets real close, all sappy and mushy, some drunk tears, and before you know it, they're having a gross public make-out sesh. Whatever floats your boat I guess. I blame reality tv.

The Ghost

The Ghost is a person who gets dragged out by there friends and then vanishes after one drink when no one is looking. They are usually walking home from the bar when you're walking to the bar. Somehow, their friends managed to drag them out of the cave where they can usually be found streaming or gaming in solitude, only to have them bounce without saying a word to anyone. You'll be able to identify them from their power-walk, striding with a purpose to get back to the comfort of their bed and Game of Thrones. Can you really blame them?