No, the Smith-Steeb Hall showers aren’t being blocked by ‘large quantities of semen’
Fake news
Over the weekend, a notice was put up in Smith Steeb Residence Hall, supposedly posted by the Ohio State University Office of Housing.
The letter explains that the water issues that have plagued the dorm for the 2016-2017 academic year have not been caused by clogs made by human hair as they originally suspected.
According to the document, the actual cause of the drain problems is an unprecedented amount of semen built up from people masturbating in the showers, or as they so eloquently put it, people needing to “take care of [their] business”.
The best part? Everyone is falling for it.
The document is fake, and not entirely uncommon. Letters like this have been popping up in universities everywhere as a practical joke.
The letter reads in full:
“As you know, the Columbus campus has been plagued by water issues throughout the 2016-2017 academic year. Smith-Steeb Hall has borne the brunt of these malfunctions, resulting in the failure of parts of our plumbing systems. Following some incidents, maintenance staff launched an investigation into the source of these issues in the residence hall. We had previous knowledge of blockages in several showers in university owned accommodations, mostly caused by human hair.
“However our most recent investigation indicates that an increasing number of these blockages, are being caused by large quantities of what we have now determined is semen. This is intolerable. Because semen is not soluble in water, it gets caught in filters and our system is particularly susceptible to this. We would like to inform residence that a lawsuit has been filed against the developer of the Smith-Steeb Hall complex for design flaws in the plumbing that cause the vulnerability, but the improper use of showers by residents are compounding the problem. This has cost the university thousands to repair thus far.
“Though we know we must, ‘take care of your business,’ we have never faced a problem of this enormity before. It is because of this, unfortunately, that we must ask you to refrain from masturbating in the shower. May we advise though who wish to masturbate to do it in the comfort of their own bedrooms, and to dispose of the discharge appropriately.
“Thank you for understanding.”