An honest application to The Ohio State University
Four years later, no one is going to care that you went first-team All State for your high school soccer team
Remember how stressful applying to Ohio State was? Whether you applied four years ago or just last year, you’ve probably come to realize how ridiculous that application was.
If the application for Ohio State was honest, it would probably look a little something like this.
Tell us your high school GPA, because it will never be that good again
Including your high school GPA is only good for getting into the honors and/or scholars programs. Other than that, it’s just a reminder that you were once a star student and now you spend your days in Thompson or SEL wondering where you went wrong. The answer is nowhere, unless you’ve taken any form of chemistry here. Then that was probably the start of your GPA’s downward spiral.
Honors student? Welcome to the Towers of Hell
It’s a known fact that some students who select and meet the criteria to be an honors student have a great possibility of living in Morrill or Lincoln Tower. Both are awful and crammed and feel like you’re living in a cult. These dorms are also not quite as nice as Smith- Steeb and other South campus dorms, yet they are for honors students. Funny how the students who have a high academic standing get the shitty dorms.
You will be harassed by Oval Preachers
Seriously, Ohio State could have given us some warning about these guys. There is not a day that you won’t walk through the Oval minding your own business only to be tracked down by some Bible banger telling you that you’re going to hell for whatever reason they see fit for that day. These guys are ruthless and will not hesitate to shove a paper in your face urging you to sign it even as you walk directly into them trying to get to class.
Your walks to class will be plagued by construction
If you thought that getting across campus to get to your next class was actually possible to do in that 15-20 minute time frame you have, think again. There is always a ton of construction going on, for whatever reason, so the quickest route to class is most likely not an option. Even the construction on High Street will interfere with your day to day life. You might as well forget about sleeping in thanks to the construction as well.
Game days are a weekly religious holiday
Even if you come to OSU and somehow are not a football fan, you’ll still deal with the craziness that is game day. Whether it’s your roommates blasting “Hang on Sloopy” at 8am every Saturday morning or seeing couches burn after a big win, everyone is involved in game day practices. Your best bet is to just accept that you will never sleep in on any given Saturday in the fall and start your morning off with a beer or mimosa to get through it.
You’ll freeze walking to class but sweat in lecture
Ohio winters are a bitch. It’ll be -20 degrees with a wind chill and you’ll still have class. Layer up and prepare yourself for the walk only to have to quickly rip off all of those extra layers the minute you step into your class building because it’s so hot. You might as well pack deodorant in your book bag just in case.
Your fake ID is more valuable than your BuckID
As much as you want to tell yourself you won’t be buying one, you will. Even if you’re not the drinking type, chances are your friends are and you don’t want to be sitting in your dorm while they’re all out because you can’t get in to Midway or Bullwinkles. Do yourself a favor and buy one, or find someone who kind of looks like you and buy their ID. This way you won’t have serious FOMO every Saturday and Sunday morning when you watch all of your friends snapchat stories.