Lessons I learned from my Tiger mom

Honor in a Chinese family is imperative

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Being an only child was a burden and a privilege in itself. Having a Filipino – Chinese mother on top of that? I would say precisely the same. I can confidently speak for the majority of children of Tiger Moms that we certainly did not have it easy. Above all, if not for the authoritarian atmosphere which I feel so close to as my mother’s daughter I would not be half the person I am today. Our relationship was never perfect and it honestly never will be. Nonetheless, her impact was beyond compare.

“Studies first, and that means no boyfriends” – Perhaps the most expected from any Tiger Mom, and it’s never said lightly. Infinitely repeated during my high school years (and never followed). I was an honors student with a 3.9 GPA, why should I retreat to my restrictions? Any boyfriends I had, serious or not, were always kept under wraps from my mother. For some reason it never mattered to me. It became a normalcy when a past boyfriend would ask me why they didn’t meet my parents in the same way I met theirs. Though I felt guilty at times, that’s just the way things were.

The satisfaction of mastering the academic-social life balance was beyond compare even if it meant a white lie here and there. The business world or the medical field – they were the only two career paths that existed for my mother. It is without doubt the immigrant parent’s dream, one that I feel has been so heavily exaggerated generation after generation. If I were an artist or musician, my mom would most likely (i.e. definitely) pull me out of NYU and deem college as worthless for me.

With a diverse group of friends from budding actors to aspiring photographers, this isn’t a view I would ever project as my own. As I have in entering the luxury marketing industry, everyone else has discovered their passion and potential in what they strive to become. My mom is a Senior Marketing Director in the healthcare industry and she has watched me explore a vast number of talents and interests from journalism to politics, always pushing me to be as well versed as possible in what I love. She was not only my harshest critic but my biggest motivator.

By no means has she bred me as a product of her own. On the contrary, she has helped me come into my own.

Did I mention she’s Catholic? The combination is almost lethal: Catholic Chinese Filipina. Church every Sunday, no exceptions. She was scandalized when I applied to non-Catholic high schools years ago, having only been Catholic-educated my whole life prior. Raising the bar higher for my college applications, I was not encouraged but forced to apply to Jesuit universities of her choice. It’s something you never question, you just go with it. (Note: For a non-Catholic university, she is very pleased that I am at NYU).

Perhaps I will never understand why my mom cares so much about what others think. It’s simply in the DNA of the Tiger Mom. Honor in a Chinese family is imperative. No tattoos, no obscene piercings, no wild girl antics. I was never a problem child in any sense of the term. What my mom wanted to express was very straightforward – the way you represent yourself is how you represent me.

I was never a rebel but I was never afraid to be bold. At fifteen I was inspired by Rihanna’s buzzed side haircut and adopted it as my own. In short, World War III broke out at home and if not for my lighthearted dad, who is on the opposite side of my mom on the disciplinarian spectrum, I would have been dangerously close to disownment. Worried about how I would find myself and live a life which was mine, I realized that I could let this stern voice of reason exist in my life and not have it mold me but develop me.

How has it shaped my personality? My friends have always described me as a strong personality, one who never takes bullshit from anyone. I’ve adopted my mom’s exterior coldness, proudly so, as well as her hidden warmth which takes a little bit of scratching at the surface to appreciate it to its fullest. I grew up with immense pressure and countless breakdowns but it was through the pressure that I found myself.

I have learned to never sell myself short, to work tirelessly and most importantly, to say no to people. I’m the daughter of a Tiger Mom. I have survived the good the bad and the ugly, and I wouldn’t have wanted my disciplinarian mother to be any different.

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