It’s OK not to be OK

Just be honest with yourself and stop pretending

In the words of Kylie Jenner, a voice of a generation (how sad), this is the “year of just realizing stuff” and everyone, “we’re all just, like realizing things”. Not everyone is so chilled out.

Please forgive me if your group of friends are totally chill and like all you do is like chill and life is just so super chill, so then the following doesn’t apply to you, so stop reading now.

Illustrated by Juliette Hayt

In all seriousness though, let’s get real for a second.

I usually hate this deep meaningful shit. Instead, I prefer to hide behind sarcasm and mean jokes at the expense of events, ideas, other people etc the list goes on. But I feel like this needs to be said, and frankly, I am tired. In the past few weeks and especially towards the end of last semester but also now at the start of the new one, everyone (or perhaps just my immediate circle of friends) seem to be playing pretend a lot more than usual. Yes. I am onto you.

Can we just all take a deep breath and think about what we are feeling right now. Also realize that it’s OK not to be OK all the time? It’s OK to miss your parents, your closest friends from home, your significant other, your favorite foods, your dog. Whatever it may be – you are not alone and the longer you pretend the worse you make it for yourself. It’s OK to be scared, about your future, your major, your relationships with friends, and your understanding of the world which may have drastically changed over your time in college.

Illustrated by Juliette Hayt

I miss my best friend, my dog (cos she’s da bomb), but most of all I miss my family. As much as I wanted to “be all independent” and alone in a completely different country to get away from their “overbearing” attitudes – it has been a bit of an anticlimax.

I am scared about my future, the future of my country and the economic hardships I see all my friends back in Moscow going through while I live this “glamorous” lifestyle AND have the audacity to complain about it. I am sad about the time and effort I’ve wasted on friendships and relationships with people who really didn’t deserve it and the bridges I’ve burned with people who could have become my close friends. I am terrified because for the first time in my life, my neurotic, borderline-OCD self doesn’t have a plan for the next month let alone the next five years.

I know that putting on a mask prolongs the inevitable breakdown. No I’m not saying that one should stay in bed all weekend with two tubs of Ben&Jerrys watching Gilmore Girls crying about how scary everything is and how much everything sucks right now (although that too is a totally acceptable turn of events). No, what I mean is, share. By keeping it in, you inevitably end up pushing away people who could be the ones to help you, or could, (shock horror) be in the same boat as you.

Illustrations by Juliette Hayt

Let yourself be human. Emotions are what make us unique, wonderful and flowery beings. Don’t shut them away and put on a totally unconvincing cracked mask. We all have unfinished business, psychological issues, weaknesses and things we don’t like about ourselves. Situations will arise which might cause our marbles to spill a little. And despite how much we want to handle it as mature and clever “young adults” who have fully grasped the “self preservation” technique, all hell will break loose and we will fall apart at times — and that’s completely fine. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel here. Take it all in stride and sometimes actually feeling sad, or down instead of forcing yourself to be happy all the time could lead to a clearer understanding of who you are and where you want to be.

So to wrap up this little sob story, my point is: don’t be afraid to face reality of what feels wrong, to give yourself time to process experiences, to share and to show your real emotions. Don’t let it all build up. Make this year more about you. Do me a favor and “realize” some shit for me. Don’t compare yourself with others because no one can put a label on what should and shouldn’t make you feel down. Do however, feel the actual emotion and be honest with yourself about what it is that’s making you feel down or go into hyper-mode of creating multiple distractions just to make sure you don’t think about X or Y event/person/idea. Laugh, get fucking angry, feel sad, let out the frustration through art, writing, going for a run, smashing plates but just be honest.

Self-preservation without internal resolution is overrated.

Because I am a vain shit and a part-time chipmunk 😉

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