Pittsburgh is the greatest hometown in America and possibly the world

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania: We gave you Wiz, Jeff Goldblum, and french fries on sandwiches. Understandably, like most Pittsburghers, I’m awash with hometown pride. Pittsburgh is a place that almost crumbled along with the rest of the “Rust Belt” manufacturing cities, but instead of going to shit, rose triumphantly from the slagheap like a trashy, Midwestern phoenix. Owing to this revival, Pittsburgh is a land of schizophrenic hometown-identity.

Here, urban rednecks and young urban professionals coexist in relative harmony, coming together throughout the year to get a load on and scream at televised sporting events, especially during football season, and hockey season… and baseball season. In general, Pittsburgh is a down to earth place that’s old, cold and just shitty enough to be charming without actually being a miserable place to exist. Here are a few hallmarks of the Steel City that every true Pittsburgher knows and holds dear.

Yinzers

How else to start than with our proudest demographic, the yinzer. A yinzer might ask, “if yinz guys goin’ dahntahn inna half ahr pick up some arns”. If you’re from Pittsburgh that phrase would probably mean something to you.

At least we’re hospitable

To everyone else, I’m sorry you had to read it. Nonetheless, the above is a prime example of Pittsburghese, AKA the lingua franca of most born and raised Pittsburghers. There have actually been college lectures given on why Pittsburghers talk like they have a golf ball in their mouth, though I’d love for a linguist to try to explain to me why yinzers still drink Iron City (that’s “arn”, by the way).

Primanti’s

As I mentioned above, it was not Alabama, or Louisiana or South Carolina who first put French fries (and coleslaw, and a fried egg) on a sandwich. Nay, it was we humble Pittsburghers who pioneered this bold culinary innovation. Initially created for long haul truckers jonesin’ carbs on the go, Primanti’s sandwiches are a traditional Pittsburgh way to sop up the end of a boozy night or spill all over your lap at a Penguins game. The rest of the world can thank us later.

Hills… hills everywhere

Nowhere to go but up #tearz

Nearly half of Pittsburgh’s neighborhoods include “hills” or “heights” in the name, and that’s because, you guessed it, we have a lot of both of those. This may seem like a relatively inconsequential geographical detail, but in the pre-license days, getting from A to B meant all aboard the Shoelace Express, making the topography of Pittsburgh oh so real. Not that it keeps the fixed wheel community from plowing up 45 degree hills packing calves the size of cantaloupes.

The T

Public transit in its finest hour

The T is Pittsburgh’s appropriately quaint two-line metro system whose primary role, besides taking working professionals in and out of downtown, is shuttling drunk suburban kids to and from Pirates games on the North Shore. Besides excelling in that role, it’s also cheap, convenient, and smells the least like piss out of any subway I’ve ever ridden.

The Hollywood of the almost-Midwest

Turns out those are two Batmobiles

Pittsburghers are used to ducking under boom mics and getting yelled at by producers to GTFO of a shot, because Pittsburgh is one of the most popular production spots the world over for Hollywood films. Whether it’s because it’s so beautiful, or because of the complicated tax loopholes or both, Pittsburgh is the backdrop for films like Twilight, The Perks of Being A Wallflower, right down to the Dark Knight trilogy. That’s right, we’re muhfuccin’ Gotham. Deal with it.

Taylor gang or step on a Lego

TGOD, fella. (Credit to Poy Alpan)

Unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ve heard of both Mac Miller and Wiz Khalifa, and have most likely listened to their music, either because you like it or you accidentally turned the radio on for five seconds. Either way, both of these hip hop heavyweights hail from the 412. In fact, they both attended the same Taylor Allderdice High School, spawning a legion of skunk-smelling teens in cargo shorts reppin’ “Taylor Gang or Die”.

Seven Springs

Wayward souls at the Springs (credit : Deegan Papke)

Skiing is big on the East Coast, Pittsburgh notwithstanding, and Seven Springs is the closest thing to a mountain resort we Yinzers have. Admittedly, it’s a rare case to find yourself chest deep in powder up at the Springs, but we know to have fun careening down solid sheets of ice most days out of the season.

Hint: It probably has something to do with the hundreds of beer cans littered beneath the lifts.