The NYU snowstorm survival guide
How to avoid frostbite and make it all the way to finals
New York City has issued a blizzard warning for tomorrow, and although this conjures up images of cows freezing to death in Little House in the Prairie, the following survival guide will not only save your extremities, but entertain you and prevent too much Netflix and Chilling. Who knows how long this storm will last?
Buy all the food from Trader Joe’s
Not soup though. No college student owns a can opener. Buy only microwave mac’n’cheese.
Also alcohol. Buy all the alcohol.
Wear onesies to trap your body heat.
Run your blankets through the dryer to make them warm.
Make hot cocoa and popcorn.
Avoid dying of boredom
Play Cards against Humanity with your equally sarcastic, dirty-minded friends.
Read a book. We’re in college here, people. We’re goddamn intellectuals.
Do shots of seasonally-appropriate peppermint schnapps.
Watch Hallmark movies with your significant other.
Break up with your significant other. This will give everyone something to gossip about for the rest of the night.
PART #4 (optional): For the idiots who voluntarily go outside (aka those of us from sunny states who “just want to see the snow”)
Bundle up. Wear that uber flattering puffy coat, all your hats, scarfs, gloves, snow boots, Jon Snow capes, etc. Layer that shit, especially socks.
Also, be sure to wear bright neon sneakers so you can be spotted after you fall headfirst into the mountains of white snow and die.
And if all else fails, well. Just belt “Let it Go” as the snow flurries carry you away. It’ll help lessen everyone’s grief over losing you.