My best friend is in a committed relationship, and I’m committed to being the third wheel

So where are we going for dinner tonight, fam???

I’ve come to the conclusion that my actual soulmate is my best friend and — to borrow from the Internet — men are trash. Unfortunately for me, my best friend is involved in a successful, committed relationship, while I am extremely single.

When your person has another person, it’s sometimes necessary to make them share. I’m not pathetic, I just need my girl time. So, like any good friend would do, I have inserted myself into their relatioship as a permanent third wheel.

It might seem weird at first — going on dates and crashing holiday plans –but the life of a third wheel becomes pretty routine after a while.

Not knowing which side of the table to sit on

It’s awkward because I never know where to sit. Do I sit by myself and let the couple sit together? Or do I steal my BFF away and make the man tough it out all the way on the other side of the table? It’s basically the Sophie’s Choice of third-wheeling.

And even when you know where to sit, the servers are always confused. Separate checks or together? Personally, I’m totally cool with the boyfriend paying.

Habitually crashing holidays

Not that I mind being alone, but Valentine’s Day is a drag for those of us that live the single life. My sweet friend once had a dinner for me the next day so I wasn’t moping in my loneliness. Don’t mind me over here, you guys keep making goo-goo eyes at each other while I eat all the cake.

Being included in long term plans

I made it clear from the start that I wanted to know about any proposals or big surprises before anything major could go down. Because let’s be honest — I probably know what she likes better than you do, bud. So make it easier on yourself and just run all plans through me first. Okay? Thanks.

I’ve so successfully inserted myself into their relationship that my friend has offered to let me live with them in the future when I’m old and alone. Personally, I like to think the tides will turn and I’ll manage to live happily ever after with a prince of my own, but it’s always nice to have a plan B.

A package deal

Regardless who has a significant other, it’s a universal truth that best friends come together as a package deal. If my best friend doesn’t like the guy I’m dating, chances are he won’t last too long. Approval from the friends is an absolute must. By dating one, you’ve agreed to take on the other as an extension of the girlfriend.

Built in tie-breaker

The best part about an odd number is having one person break the tie when making decisions (most importantly where to go eat). Since the main method of socialization for millennials is to go out to eat, we face the “I don’t care, where do you wanna go?” issue on a regular basis. With an odd number of people, the tie is usually broken and a decision is finally made about where we’ll grab dinner.

Sometimes it’s discouraging being the odd one out but it’s also good to know my best friend is in a nice, healthy relationship and I can easily get along with her SO. If she’s happy, I’m happy.

But one of these days I swear I’ll be the one to drag her along as the third wheel on one of my dates. If you date one, you’ve agreed to get the other.

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