A step-by-step beginner’s guide to finding a seat at D.H. Hill

We’ve all been there – you’ve decided you will go study instead of retreating back to your room for a nap. After sulking up the steps to the ONE entrance into Hill, you make a beeline for Hill of Beans. Tapping your foot impatiently, you count down the seconds until your order is finally ready and you can down 12oz of sugary caffeine. Finally, with a hot cup of coffee in one hand and your books in the other, you climb the steps to start the dreaded search for a seat.

Step 1: The Learning Commons

We all know that hopeful feeling when we finally make it to the top of the steps and see the doorway with LEARNING COMMONS written in big block letters above it. You mosey on over and start your search. You don’t even bother looking for a seat in front of a computer and you barely even blink an eye when you see hoards of people around the back tables, but when you pass the comfy seats and find them all full you begin to panic. So, you gather up your courage, take a deep breath and march on.

Step 2: The West Wing

After your brief lapse of judgment that made you think it was a good idea to even look in the Learning Commons for a seat, you make your way over to the West Wing. Once you descend down the stairs, you stop dead in your tracks when you catch a glimpse of the silent reading room. It makes your heart practically stop when you see the people sitting silently staring at books and laptops, a dead look on their faces.

You close your eyes trying to get rid of the image of the girl with dark circles under her eyes, sipping on her fifth coffee. You can still see the tears streaking down her cheeks even with your eyes shut. It makes you shudder, but you have to move on. You shake it off and enter the room with colorful chairs and tables and scan the room quickly. Much to your dismay…full. You don’t even bother looking in the room with the giant plasma screen TVs and you fly through the rest of West Wing without any luck.

Step 3: The elevators

At this point, your coffee is almost completely gone, you’re starting to get a cramp in your calf and you can feel the motivation to study physically leaving your body. You make your way to the Tower elevators and click the up button right before you collapse on the bench.

Time ticks by and before you know it, you’ve been sitting there for 10 minutes and the elevator is still on the fifth floor, but you can’t give up now. Eventually, the elevator dings signaling you to get up. You wait patiently as 15 frat boys squeeze their way through the sliding doors. When you step onto the elevator, you think carefully about which floor to go to and decide on the fourth floor.

Step 4: The fourth floor

Once you make it to the fourth floor, a second wind of hope hits and you make your way through the book stacks. Then suddenly, you see it – an open seat. You practically sprint in that direction. You can feel your coffee splashing out of the cup, burning your hand, but you don’t care. All you care about is getting to that seat. You’re so close, out of breath, cheeks red and just as you’re about to claim your seat, a girl in a red dress and heels that make her almost hit the ceiling steps in front of you and claims the table.

Tears start to fill your eyes. You can almost picture your GPA dropping. You imagine the look of disappointment on your parents’ faces when they find out you failed all your classes, all while a girl takes your seat, pops off her heels and turns on The Office. With your hands balled up in fists, you stomp your way over to the elevator and mash the down button.

Final step: Hunt

After what feels like the longest elevator ride ever, you make it to the bottom floor, rush down the stairs and run to catch the bus to Centennial. Once you get to Hunt, you repeat steps one through four and then give up and take a nap.