This is why I participated in #MeToo
A University of Michigan student shares her experience with sexual assault
On Facebook two days ago, I saw someone share this status: "Me too. If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "Me too." as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem. Please copy/paste."
If you’ve been sexually harassed or assaulted write ‘me too’ as a reply to this tweet. pic.twitter.com/k2oeCiUf9n
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) October 15, 2017
"Me too," I thought immediately. But I didn't copy and paste.
I was scared.
I've never wanted to be viewed as a victim, as weak or dramatic. But finally, I'm sick of it and I've decided it's time to share because me fucking too.
If society hadn't made opening up about sexual assault such a huge taboo, we wouldn't have needed #MeToo
— Afnan Akbar (@AfnanAkbar1001) October 17, 2017
So here's why I made my status "me too:"
I was a freshman in college. I had just gone out on a tequila Tuesday night and as my mom warned me, bad things happen when you drink tequila.
A boy I was interested in kept asking me to come over. He told me he was headed home from the bar and invited me over. Excited by the offer from a cute, older boy, I accepted.
I walked into his apartment and he led me to his room immediately. He pushed me onto his bed and crawled near me. Suddenly, his hands were on my zipper.
"I'm on my period," I told him. It wasn't a warning for him — I don't like having sex when I'm bleeding. I vaguely remember him saying it was okay, that he didn't care. I insisted that I did.
I remember we continued kissing. His shirt came off. But after that, it's a blur. That night was the closest I had ever come to completely blacking out.
I was too drunk to give consent. I was too drunk to move. My body laid limp in his bed as he did what he pleased. I was too drunk to even fully remember what happened.
I remember he put down a towel. "For the mess," he said.
I remember him inside of me.
I don't remember saying yes.
The gravity of the situation didn't hit me until days later. It took me days to realize that I had been taken advantage of. And why? Because I just felt like a stupid girl that threw myself at a guy, a stupid girl that got too drunk, a stupid girl that put myself in that situation. I felt at fault.
So I never spoke up.
And what's even more painful? That's not my only "me too."
I was taken advantage again as I went over to a guy's house that I had hooked up with before. Again, I was on my period, and I wasn't planning on having sex.
As soon as I said "hi," his tongue was down my throat and my back against his door. Suddenly, we were on his couch and he was telling me how he wanted to fuck me. I wasn't into it.
"I'm on my period, sorry" I told him. Like I said, I wasn't there for sex. Popular trope gives the impression that men are disgusted by period blood, but my assaulters aren't.
He muttered angrily that he was frustrated that my period was cock blocking him. Yet, he continued to kiss and touch me, taking clothes off of both us. He was in control. I was paralyzed.
And before I knew it, he ripped out my tampon and thrust himself inside of me.
And you know what? I never said yes. He assumed that because we had hooked up before, he could do it again. He didn't care to ask if I was okay. I wasn't. Consent doesn't roll over.
Again, it took days for me to realize the gravity of what happened. The pain slowly oozed into my self-esteem and changed me.
Why has it taken me this long to come forward? Because I've been scared of being looked down on. But I'm done being scared.
I've been sexually assaulted and harassed as have many people and we need to start taking a stand against it. What happened to me is not okay and I'm done accepting it, it's time to fight back because I am sick to my stomach scrolling through my Facebook feed seeing my friends, my loved ones and old friends post "me too."