What you could buy at UMich with Mark Schlissel’s baller salary
Ever wanted to buy Sadako over 90,000 times? Mark Schlissel can’t relate; he already can
As head honcho of a major public university, it’s only fair that the President of the University of Michigan should make beaucoups bucks. But do you know how much he actually makes?
According to The Chronicle of Higher Education, our boy Mark makes a whopping $782,481 per year, $768,750 of which is purely base pay. In other words, Daddy Schlissel has it made.
What would you do with all that cash? Personally, I can’t remember the last time I had more than $50 in my bank account, so I know I’d go crazy. In case you wanted to know, here’s some fun things you could spend your money on if you made Schlissel’s salary:
The standard fishbowl at Good Time Charley’s costs $15.50. With a year of Schlissel’s money, you could buy 50,482 fishbowls. That’s practically one for every single student and faculty member at U of M. Imagine how horrified the bartenders would be if you ordered that many in one sitting.
When I go to Sadako, my typical order is Unagi with edamame, which costs $8.60. With Schlissel’s cash, I could buy this 90,986 times. So basically for the rest of my life. Basic white bitch goalzzzzz.
Ever wanted an endless amount of Feta Bread? Me neither. But just in case you do, you could buy 43,495 orders of large feta bread. No thanks, but you do you!
When you gotta get that good good from the dispensary, fear not. Schlissel’s dolla billz will buy you 9,205 eigths of weed. You’ll befriend every single pothead on campus, and maybe even some of those Ypsi townies that always show up on Hash Bash. In fact, you could singlehandedly foot the bill of Hash Bash itself.
And finally, you could become the best member of Greek Life at the University of Michigan by sending 2,507 sorority girls to Puerto Vallarta for spring break. You might also be voted POTUS in the next election.
Sadly, the OSU president DOES make about $300,000 more than our dear friend Mark Schlissel. Maybe if he asks nicely, Mr. Khaki Pants will lend him some of his $48 million dollar salary. 😉