Every type of person you’ll meet in your 8am

We can’t with The Morning Person right now

Every class has that token student. The one that keeps asking the professor to go back a slide, the one whose phone is always going off in class, the one who’s perpetually high, etc. But no class highlights these stereotypes more sharply than the dreaded 8am. How you respond to (or ignore) that dreaded 7:30am alarm says a lot about you. Any of these sound familiar?

The morning person

As a general rule, no one should be happy before 9am unless it’s Christmas or someone’s birthday, but this person clearly didn’t get the message. They greet everyone by asking them how their day is going even though the sun’s barely up, and then responds to your groan by telling you about how excited they are to get Zingerman’s with their aunt later.

The fashionista

Fashion Week or Comm discussion — this girl doesn’t discriminate when it comes to looking fabulous. She shows up with a full face of makeup that must’ve taken hours, and a cat-eye you couldn’t replicate in your wildest daydreams, let alone before 9am. The world is her runway, and the rest of us are only her sweatpants-wearing, baggy-eyed audience. And let’s not forgive to give props to the guys who show up in slacks instead of basketball shorts — well done, gentlemen.

The partier

Last night’s clothes? Check. 21 and up wristband? Check. Bottles of Advil and Pedialyte peeking out of their backpack? Check and check. This bleary-eyed, nauseous-looking student went out last night, and they deeply regret it. Try not to judge them too harshly — at least they made it to class…even if they do smell like sweat and Fireball.

The napper

All the exhaustion of the partier with none of the fun, the napper is someone who hasn’t woken up before 8am since high school and is still in denial about having to do it again. They took this class because they needed it for their major, and they spend the entire discussion wishing they were still in bed. They are easily spotted by the pajamas they’re wearing and the toothpaste stain on their shirt.

The social media maven

This person woke up too late to check Snapchat this morning, and they spend all of class trying to make up for lost time. They’re on their phone or laptop the entire class, ignoring glares from the GSI and smirking every few minutes. Can we really blame them though? Whatever’s happening on Twitter is bound to be more entertaining than another lecture about foreign policy.

The rise-and-grind

They spent all of last night in the UGLi and have their fourth cup of coffee and sheer human will to thank for the fact that they’re still awake. The rise-and-grind spends all of discussion switching between taking notes and studying slides from another class, and answers every question correctly. This person will most likely cure cancer one day, but for now you should probably avoid them — they look ready to crack at any second.

The health nut

An 8am? No worries. That’s when this classmate was going to wake up for their trail run/sweat sesh/kickboxing class anyway. They show up in workout gear for their daily post-class trip to the CCRB, and bring a smoothie for breakfast that looks like something you threw up at Skeep’s last night. It’s loaded with antioxidants, they swear.

The one who doesn’t bother to show up

Also known as the person you wish you were. They faked norovirus and are probably asleep right now while you try to pay attention to your yawning GSI. Sigh.

More
University of Michigan national-us