How to spot a freshman on Facebook
Your transcript says Junior, but your Facebook says ‘What’s the difference between blue bucks and dining dollars?’
Freshmen: you either know one, are one, or regret the time you were one. By now you’ve realized the transition from high school senior to college freshman drops you down the totem pole — actually under the totem pole to the eternally loathed freshman abyss.
Freshman or not, you’ve probably figured out by now how to clean up your act and blend into the general population. But what about your Facebook? Pictures speak louder than words, and these types of Facebook pictures scream freshman!
The ‘first time at a tailgate’ picture
Revolutionary. Amazing. No amount of alcohol this large has ever been seen at any other college in the country, and experts say it likely never will be.
The ‘first day of school’ picture
Look mom, this is the girl I’ve known for three days who will either become my best friend or my greatest roommate horror story!
The ‘proof that theme parties exist’ picture
Nothing say “hot college girls gone wild” like “stand inside a trash bag and use some duct tape to bring back a little bit of that shape you have.”
The less-than-impressive Zingerman’s picture
Oh yeah, look at that warm, delicious bread. Don’t look at what’s under it though. Why look at savory juicy meat when you can look at two pickles?
The ‘drinking holiday’ picture
When the internships come a-callin’, be sure to remind them all about the time you had BOTH a jello shot AND a beer AT THE SAME TIME.
The ‘I’m out of high school so photo booth is funny again’ picture
Hear ye, hear ye, thirsty freshman boys! Tis I, the totally crazy girl that isn’t embarrassed to post silly, crazy pictures on Facebook! I mean, as long as I look good. Yeah, look at me being all approachable in a silly way.
And finally…
Every.
Unnecessary.
Picture.
Remember that time you took that picture and thought “I’m not going to regret this”? Yeah well, that lasted all of one month. You’ve been regretting it for two years.