Tips to help you survive norovirus
As told by a victim of last year’s outbreak
If you don’t live under a rock (read: North Campus), you may have heard that a ton of people on campus are getting sick, and it’s most likely norovirus, aka the stomach flu from hell. Lucky for all you sick Michigan students out there, I happen to have gotten norovirus when it was spreading around campus last year, and I’d like to consider myself a bit of an expert. If you’re reading this in between upchucks, here are some things you should know.
It only lasts about two days
Thank god. The average duration of a norovirus infection is about 12 to 60 hours. However, you’re contagious for two days after you start feeling better, and you’ll be a literal zombie for about 3, because you haven’t been eating (or sleeping, probably). So make sure you take the weekend to relax even if you think you’re back to normal.
Pedialyte is your new best friend
If you want to avoid that awful trip to the ER for an IV, hydration is key. Pedialyte has electrolytes that will help replenish your body, especially when you can’t keep down more than half a cup of water at a time. It may taste terrible, but when you’re literally having dreams about swimming pools because you’re so thirsty, you won’t regret picking up a bottle.
Clorox wipes are your other new best friend
Sanitize, sanitize, sanitize. While you’re sick, after you’re sick, etc. and tell everyone you know. My roommate wore a face mask for the entire week that I was sick, and I 100% supported it, because I wouldn’t wish that terrible few days on anyone. And when you’re better, for god’s sake wash your sheets.
Say goodbye to your sense of shame
There is a very real chance you will end up puking in the middle of Walgreens while your well-intentioned brother averts his eyes and the cashier looks on in horror, probably assuming you’re hungover or pregnant (not that anything like that happened to me…). If your experience is anything like mine, kiss self-consciousness goodbye, because for the next couple days you are going to be disgusting, and you’re going to be too sick to care.
You’re about to learn who your real friends are
The one redeeming quality of norovirus? It separates the fair-weather friends from the ride-or-dies. Your real friends will check in on you, help you catch up on your classes, and make the occasional Gatorade runs when you’re feeling dehydrated. Your best friends will help you clean up your vomit when you’re too sick to move. But hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
Netflix, nap, repeat
Being sick isn’t all bad! In between the bouts of fever-induced hallucinations and explosive vomiting, at least you can catch up on your favorite shows (once your mental capacities return). Norovirus is how I discovered the utter masterpiece that is Parks and Recreation. 10/10 would recommend.
If you’re ready to eat, pick something you hate
Because you’re never going to want to eat it again. A friend of mine received a bunch of boxes of truffles from her parents in the mail and was generous enough to share, and I obviously jumped on the opportunity. A few hours later, however, the norovirus hit me for the first time, and to this day I still can’t eat most types of chocolates. Later, when I thought I was ready to eat, I made the mistake of adding a dash of peanut butter to my toast. I’m an almond butter girl now.
Don’t try to be tough
Seriously, if you’re completely unable to hold down water for more than a day and feeling like walking death, you may want to consider taking a trip to the ER. At the very least, please do not come to class and infect everyone. If you don’t follow this advice and I get norovirus for the second time, I will be one pissed off Wolverine.
Take revenge by spitting on the personal items of all the people you hate
Just kidding.