Classes seniors wish they could take to prepare for the real world

Do Skeeps cards work for job applications, too?

Amidst all of the holiday celebrations over winter break, I found myself, for the first time in all of my 21 years, at the “grown-up table” during dinnertime. Unfortunately, in this new adult universe that I was obviously a virgin to, every legal glass of wine came with a side of confusion, nervous laughter, and downright terror on my end.

“Where will you invest your money?” they say. “Does this job come with health insurance?” they say.

Sure, I cried tears of happiness when I got a C in Organic Chemistry, but would that really prepare me for my future? Maybe if Michigan offered these classes instead, I wouldn’t be so terrified of post-grad life, where apparently it’s ‘unacceptable’ to drink wine at 3pm on a Tuesday.

IRS 101: How Taxes Work and Why You Suck For Not Understanding Them

Unlike what you did with that avalanche of emails from University Towers, the Career Center, and U-M Canvas, you cannot just take yourself off the IRS mailing list.

COOKING 201: How to Not Take Usher’s Advice to “Let It Burn”

Let’s face it: Cheesy bread and No Thai and Revive will not be around forever, and neither will your metabolism. It’s time to learn a thing or two about cooking for yourself without setting the fire alarm off in Landmark again.

CARS 300: Tires, Jumper Cables, and Oil Changes. Oh My!

Unless your nightly fantasy consists of an auto mechanic inspecting the hood of your car, covered head to toe in grease with no shirt on, you might want to learn the ins and outs of maintaining a safe ride.

DESTINY’S CHILD 220: Bills, Bills, Bills

The only thing that comes to mind when I hear that word is the catchy, semi-creepy song from Schoolhouse Rock called “I’m Just a Bill” that everyone watched in the 5th grade. And the “Bill” chant from the “Bill Nye the Science Guy” theme. Basically, my brain is stuck in middle school and I’m in no way prepared to pay actual bills.

AMCULT 401: From Mayhem to Flo: Insurance Without the Annoying Mascots

All I know about insurance is that Flo the Progressive girl is ALMOST — but not quite — as annoying as the Wendy’s girl. Also, is a “bundle” a new dating app?

CASH 232: What Is a Mortgage, and Should It Hurt When I Pee?

No, a mortgage is not an STD. Unlike an STD, a mortgage is something you should actually want to appear over the course of many years. You’ll be fine.

ART 365: From Dressing Like a Spice Girl to a Working Girl

Sorry ladies, I know making your ex jealous at the bar is as easy as throwing on a crop top and booty shorts, but impressing your boss in the office is a little bit different than that. To be safe, just give all your crop tops to your 4-year-old cousin post-graduation.

BANK 335: How To Make Your Credit Snore a Credit Score

Apparently, the trick to a good credit score is to pay down your purchases, and keep those purchases low. Translation: those of you “lucky ones” with a $2400 Skeeps card? Good luck!!!

SNOOZE 101: How To Wake Up Every Day and Not Hate Your Life

We recommend taking this one pass/fail.

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