Every kind of hookup you’ll have at MSU

Don’t be ashamed of the hookup, embrace the hook up – it is college so have fun, but always know what you’re getting yourself into.

One of my best friends told me that her sisters said “making out is the college version of a handshake.” I have never heard a truer statement and on the weekend, a lot of “handshakes” are given out at MSU. Whether it is a guy that a girl just met or a guy that has a thing with a girl, I have seen many people go in for a hello, a dance, a quick make-out sesh, followed by a bye and no backward glance – you have now experienced an MSU handshake. Below, I’ll tell you about some of the top handshakes you’ll experience at MSU.

The Frat Hook Up, pt. 1

You meet a guy, let’s call him Paul, at Alpha Sig. It starts off with a dance, then you start the introductions, next thing you know, you’re in the middle of the dance floor making out. The next couple songs are spent alternating between making out and dancing. Finally, the crowd is too much, you’ve been dancing your ass off and you’re starting to feel sweat start to drip. You pull away, tell Paul that you’ll be right back (he promises to wait), grab your friends and go outside to cool off. After that, you walk back in hoping to find him again, after all, you thought he was super cute, only to find him dancing with some other girl, and of course, right when you look, they’re making out against the wall. You know you shouldn’t, but you feel a little disappointed. You wonder if you weren’t good enough. In truth, you were, but you left and so it was on to the next one. But don’t worry, the same rule applies to you. Go find another boy and continue where you left off!

The Frat Hook Up pt. 2

Forget Paul, you found David – tall and charming. You start the same dance and make out combo and soon, you’ve danced and kissed the night away, the party is getting shut down and your friends are ready to go…but you aren’t. David is your perfect prince charming for the night and the alcohol is hitting it’s sweet spot. You tell your friends to leave, and you and David leave the dance floor and stumble your way to his room. In the back of your mind, you know hooking up in a frat house is not the prime spot, but you just can’t seem to care. Soon you and David have finished your dance in the bedroom and you fall asleep. You wake up the next morning, wince at the sun, then wince at your drunk actions, pick up your clothes and purse and high tail it out of there thanking God that you wore jeans and a shirt instead of that little black dress. You and David shared a great drunken night, but that will be the last.

The Bar Hook Up

It’s a Saturday night, and you and all your friends are ready to throw on your little black dresses and hit the bars. Harper’s is lit, and so are you. You walk in feeling sassy, confident and ready to do some shots with your girl friends. Two shots in, you make eye contact with a cute guy. He offers to buy you a drink,  and who are you to refuse. As you are sipping on your Long Island Ice Tea, you find out his name is Jesse and he is studying graphic design. You both spend the night drinking and flirting, and then he asks you to go back to his place. You say yes and you both head on over. You get to his place, sober up a little, talk a little and then kiss a little. Soon your kissing turns into more and your little black dress meets the floor. When you’re done doing your thing, you both fall asleep. In the morning, you both wake up, share a small, shy smile and then you get up, grab water, make polite conversation and head your respective ways.

The Friendly Hook Up

At one point in time, most college students will have friend with benefits. This is one person that is designated for hook ups – a glorified booty call. It is a sexual relationship-nothing more, nothing less. These days, especially around campus, FWBs are about as common as all-nighters. Get one now before they go out of style. But beware, sometimes these FWBs catch feelings and become real. I always advise to tread carefully.

The Tinder Hook Up

Some people download Tinder as a joke, others do because they are bored. Some are hoping to meet the “one”, but all can agree that whether you download it for entertainment or something serious, every one is guaranteed at least one good hook up – once you swipe right, it is game on. Next comes the horrible pick up line, something along the lines of “Are you my homework? Cause I would love to do you”, and then an attempt at real conversation until the point is made: let’s hook up – an exchange of numbers is given and then a date is set. It is now Friday and you are sitting in the Starbucks on Grand River anxiously waiting for Ryan to show up. He does and you feel relief that you weren’t catfished – you instantly relax and once you order a Tall Caramel Machiaoto, you sit down to get to know your date for the night. Soon the conversation ends with your drinks and it is time to finish the game. You head back to his place and you both score, tying the game. Then you get up and leave, after all the game is over. You head back to your place to share your story and start up a new game with another person you swiped right with.

The Accidental Hook Up

We have all been there: you’re out having a good time with your friends, the alcohol is flowing and soon everyone looks a little better than they did a half hour ago before that sixth shot of Burnasties hit your system. You find the closest guy and start talking to him, well talking is a loose term – more like slurring but it seems to make sense to you, and you know he isn’t much more sober than you. Finally, after about 15 minutes of stinted conversation, you ask if he wants to leave. He readily agrees and on the walk back to your place, you sober up enough to ask his name (it is Chris by the way) and a few more essential questions before you get back to your place. Once there, you take a few more shots and then start going at it. Once done, you fall asleep and when you wake up, you curse your alcohol-ridden body but then you look to your left and realize Chris went from a 13 on a scale of 10 to about a 5, and then you really curse your alcohol-ridden body. You get up to freshen up, look in the mirror and realize that, unfortunately, your rating dropped too. You scrub your face and put on some comfy clothes before heading out to make some coffee, which undoubtedly stirs Chris from his drunken stupor. He comes into the kitchen and you wince again, just cause it is too early for this shit. With a to-go cup of a mediocre brew, you send Chris off with an already broken promise of “Of course I’ll text you later”, and head back to bed.

The Forgotten Hook Up

This one really speaks for itself. After a long, stressful week, its always fun to party hop and see how many drinks you can scam from people. Unfortunately, those drinks bite back, and before you know it, you’re in a random’s bedroom – you stumble around for a little, and then crash. You sleep like a baby and wake up wondering how the hell you got there but more importantly, wondering who the hell is next to you! You give your drunken self props because he really is quite attractive, but then you realize: you don’t know where you are and you sure as hell don’t know mystery boy’s name. It’s best to leave without introductions, so as quietly as you can, you pack and leave thanking the mystery boy in your head for what you think was a good time.

The Rushed Hook Up

These usually happen in the most inconvenient places, like a bathroom or some cramped, secluded corner at a house party. Not your most dignified hour, but you and Justin sure had a good time. These usually end in two ways- either you stick around to hang out and talk at the party, or you go your separate ways. Either way, you’ll definitely be sharing knowing smirks with Justin from across the room.

The Forbidden Hook Up

They say the forbidden fruit is the most desirable, and when you mix alcohol into the mix, it is a lethal combination. These hook ups are usually spur of the moment and end up with you and Dalton avoiding eye contact ever again because if your friend Sarah ever found out you drunkenly hooked up with the boy that broke her heart, well let’s just say the atomic bomb would look like child’s play compared to the destruction she would cause. But if it does slip that you and Dalton stupidly shared one night together, apologize profusely, show the remorse and guilt you undoubtedly feel and give Sarah space to explode. Try talking to her in a week over her favorite food.

The Unfinished Hook Up

After a night out, sometimes, a hook up is just not meant to be, no matter how much you want it to work out. Either one of you can’t hold your liquor, you can’t find someone who catches your eye or you are almost there and some… parts just don’t work. That’s okay – it happens! Laugh it  off, and if you really want to hook up with the person, plan for another time, or let it be, enjoy your night and know that there are plenty more hook ups where that came from!

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Disclaimer: Hooking up is fun to do, but only go as far as you feel comfortable. Just enjoy your time and do what you want to do. The world won’t end if you don’t have a hook up. And as always, stay safe my friends.