The truth about dealing with anxiety in college

I’ve been dealing with extremely debilitating anxiety since I was old enough to worry. Many people use the word “anxiety” so freely. We all know what it feels like to be nervous, stressed or uneasy, but it’s a little bit different for someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder. While we spend time worrying about final exams, big presentations or job interviews along with the rest of the population, we are also constantly being hit with fears that probably seem absolutely ridiculous to everyone else. Because mind reading is not yet possible (come on, 2016), I will give you a list of daily scenarios and my reactions to each.

Scenario One: Mom doesn’t answer her phone. It has now been 30 seconds since I called her and she has yet to call me back.

Immediate reaction: Mom has been kidnapped. Should I call 911? I’m never going to see her again. Something must be done ASAP. *Begins to cry* *hyperventilates* *calls mom 27 more times*

Scenario Two: My arms hurt

Immediate reaction: This is a heart attack symptom. A heart attack is on its way. I have to go to the emergency room ASAP. Wait, no, I can’t do that. What if they tell me I’m dying? I don’t want to face it. If I go to sleep tonight, I won’t wake up in the morning. *proceeds to avoid sleep for the next three nights in a row* (This happened last week. Dead serious.)

Scenario Three: I have skipped the same class three times now.

Immediate reaction: I cannot show my face in that classroom ever again. The teacher must hate me as a person. Who is this individual I have become? What if everyone is talking about my lack of attendance? What if I go back to class and everyone stares at me? I can’t do this anymore. I have to remove myself from this situation. *Never goes back to said class* *fails class* *repeats class* (Last semester, guys.)

Scenario Four: My headache isn’t going away. It’s been here all day long.

Immediate reaction: *Googles Ebola symptoms* *calls mom to inform her that I may or may not be the very first case of Ebola in the United States*

Scenario Five: Casually sitting in a restaurant with friends when I notice that a man is walking in my direction. He is holding a fork.

Immediate reaction: Oh my god. No. This cannot be. Why is he holding a fork? He’s going to kill me with the fork. *Turns pale* *begins to shake* *becomes paralyzed until fork-holding man has passed* (This happened in about ninth grade and my high school friends still refer to forks as lethal weapons)

Scenario Six (Disclaimer- this one isn’t mine):  Headed to a four-day music festival in Florida and it’s finally right around the corner! Only one more week until the fun begins! Exciting, right?

Immediate reaction: Uh oh. Mosquitos. This isn’t good. I’m going to get bitten by a disease-carrying mosquito. How will I make sure this doesn’t happen? Should I even go??? (Shout out to Alannah–she gets it.)

So, there you have it, folks. People often laugh and say, “It will be okay! Don’t worry!” Sadly, it’s not that simple.

On a more serious note, it’s not easy to deal with the perpetual worries and concerns that come with every new day. It may seem funny and I am not at all bothered when people make fun of me for this. In fact, it sometimes reminds me that I probably have no reason to be worried. With that being said, it really isn’t funny when you’re actually the one with the spinning head and legitimate fear at all times.

When I came to JMU, I did not realize that it would become so much worse. I had to leave my parents, my sisters, my best friends from high school and the life that had become somewhat comfortable for me. I knew it would be tough, but I didn’t expect that it would take such a toll on my mental health.

By second semester of my freshman year, I had gotten into the habit of dealing with the inner turmoil by starving myself for weeks at a time. Along with that, I was running away from the issue by consuming a dangerous amount of alcohol multiple times a week. On one occasion, I even had to be taken to the hospital because my BAC was too high and my blood glucose level was too low.

Each morning, I woke up feeling an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt for whatever had taken place the night before. I would then forget about my emotions by doing it all over again. It became cyclical. My grades had dropped significantly, and I did not want to be at JMU any longer. I had allowed my anxiety to spiral out of control. I was scaring myself and everyone close to me. I needed help and it was no longer avoidable.

Thankfully, I have parents who will do anything to help me and want nothing more than to watch me succeed. We found a counselor in the area and I began seeing her once a week, I was put on anxiety medication, and I signed up for an anxiety class offered by JMU. It was held every Friday, and I met others who didn’t think I was crazy. I also learned different coping techniques (like not forgetting to breathe). I came back sophomore year with a fresh outlook. I knew what to do when I had a panic attack. I knew that I had support from friends who were used to my anxiety. I stopped relying on unhealthy, life-threatening quick fixes to escape the problem that had become a monster, to say the very least. My life felt stable again and everything seemed normal at last.

I’m now a junior and I’m still going strong. Although I will always worry irrationally at some point in the day, I’ve come a long way. For those of you who are currently dealing with the effects of an untreated anxiety disorder, it is possible to take control. If I can do it, anyone can.