New Year’s resolutions for 2017 you can actually stick to

If there’s one thing New Year’s resolutions have taught us over the years, it’s that they don’t work. You’re not going to give up chocolate or online shopping, or hit the gym before class every morning. Making a drastic life change isn’t going to happen with the change of a date.

Now it’s 2017 and you’re ready to make resolutions you can fulfill. You’re another year older, wiser, and if any year will be your year for keeping resolutions it’s this one:

Use the stairs, not the elevators

Ithaca is known for hills and stairs. So stop taking the easy way out and get the Ithacalves you pay $50,000 a year for.

Only get take-out three times a week

And it has to be after exercise

Untie your shoes before you take them off

Say goodbye to the laziest of lazy routines.

Learn to walk out of Target empty handed

Don’t even look at the clearance section.

Unplug your phone charger every morning

Even when nothing is plugged into it, it’s sucking electricity. Practice for when you’re paying your own electricity bill off-campus one day.

Understand how Disney did the fancy wand trick

You can’t say you don’t still think about it.

Put clean clothes on hangers, not your desk chair

And don’t forget to put the dirty ones in the hamper.

Only reset your bank password three times

Okay, maybe three times a month…

Wake up on one of your first five alarms

But never limit snoozes

Floss

The more you floss, the less you have to lie to your dentist. Clean teeth lead to a clean conscious.

Figure out how iCloud works

But seriously… Does anyone get it?

Close your Safari tabs

You’re not going to look at it later. Read it, watch it, order it, share it and always close it.

Only watch on episode at a time on Netflix

If you manage to do this one time, you’ve won 2017.

Never use the phrase “It’s 2017” to make a point

Since when was stating the date a coherent argument?