An open letter from the angry friend of sexual assault victims

I’m angry that, according to a recent CNN article, Canadian Federal Court Judge Robin Camp asked a 19-year-old girl who had allegedly been raped over a bathroom sink, “Why couldn’t you just keep your knees together?” during a 2014 court case.

I’m angry that Brock Turner served only three months of his already measly six-month sentence. I’m angry that the media continues to put emphasis on his former swimming career, as if that somehow makes him a person worthy of respect, despite the fact he sexually assaulted an unconscious woman behind a dumpster.

I’m angry that I know so many women, both my age and in the generation above me, who have been sexually assaulted.

I’m angry that I’ve had to witness a close friend suffer through grueling years of court after being assaulted, and I’m angry that her attacker, like Turner, received a very lenient prison sentence.

I’m angry that I’ve seen multiple friends become physically ill after unexpectedly passing the men who sexually assaulted them on the street.

I’m angry that those men permanently damaged the lives of women I deeply care about, and that there’s nothing I can do to help truly heal that pain or to get the justice they deserve.

I’m angry that there are countless women out there who are too afraid to seek justice after being assaulted because they’re being told over and over by the judges who dole out gentle sentences to assaulters and rapists that their experiences don’t ultimately matter, that the irreparable emotional harm that’s been dealt to them doesn’t mean anything compared to the futures of these males who will most likely go on to assault other women without consequence.

I’m angry that there are other young men out there who will take these sentences to mean, “Go ahead, take advantage of any woman you want! You won’t get in any trouble for it! We don’t want to ruin your future.”

I’m angry that people somehow continue to find ways to place blame on the victims of assault instead of placing the blame where it belongs: on the people who actually committed the assault.

This is not an issue with alcohol consumption, nor is it an issue with the way women dress. At its core, this is an issue with parents not teaching their sons that sexual assault is wrong, that women are not simply sexual objects for men to use whenever they please, that women deserve to be treated with respect. It is an issue with society and its bystander attitude, its bizarrely natural instinct to make excuses on behalf of the assaulter that transfer blame onto the victim. It is an issue with the media and how they continue to deflect blame from the assailants by providing any label that can put a positive spin on the situation and draw some attention away from the fact that these men assaulted and raped women.

We need to teach the young men of our world that “boys will be boys” is not an acceptable response to sexual assault. We need to raise our future sons to believe that women are their equals, and that they deserve to be treated with the same respect and dignity as any man. We need to destroy the current culture of victim blaming and slut shaming. We need to shift the mentality of our society so that those who take advantage of women are forced to face appropriate consequences for their deplorable actions.

We need to do something. This cannot go on.

I’m tired of being angry.

When will enough be enough?