The best places to cry on campus (because you don’t have a Valentine)

Ah, Valentine’s Day. That gloriously commercialized February holiday that gives couples the excuse to shower one another with affection and presents. Apparently it’s too unrealistic to do something spontaneously kind for your significant other on any other non-holiday day of the year. It also gives singles the excuse to consume excessive amounts of chocolate and wine while binge-watching rom coms.

But sometimes what you really need on V Day, especially if you’re single, is a good cry. Fortunately, Indiana University provides a number of ideal locations around campus for college-aged singles to unleash their lonely tears!

The stairwell near Alumni Hall at IMU

Quiet and secluded, this set of stairs beneath the Union Board offices is a superb spot to sneak in a subtle sob between classes during the week before V Day.

The tree at the Chemistry Building

Complete with countless sets of couples’ initials carved into the bark, this tree is not only the ideal place to achieve that sad hipster Tumblr aesthetic. But it’s also great for hugging the trunk, letting a single tear artfully roll down your cheek and contemplating the deeper aspects of human existence. Things like what could possibly be so wrong with you that no one wanted to be your Valentine.

The single, solitary stall in the bathroom on the top floor of Ballantine

No one will ever bother you all the way up there. You can blubber all you want. You might get strange looks from the older women working in the adjacent office on your way in and out of the bathroom — they’re not used to visitors — but otherwise, it’s a judgment-free zone.

Right in the middle of Wright Food Court

Let’s face it. The only Amore you’ll be getting this V Day is the mediocre Italian food — formerly a Sbarro — from everyone’s favorite “I-don’t-want-to-spend-money-on-real-food-and-I-still-have-rollover-meal-points-so-whatever-this-is-tolerable-enough” eatery. So grab yourself a table for one in the middle of the dining hall, chow down on some undercooked pasta and let the salt from your tears add a little extra kick to that Ragu sauce.

At the Herman B Wells statue

All of your friends are probably out on dates, so you might not even have someone to rant to about why Brad is such a douche canoe. So head on over to the bench, cop a squat next to Herm and confess to him through your tears all of the darkest secrets of your cold, dead heart. Maybe even grab a hold of his outstretched metal hand in an effort to replicate physical contact with another human!

In the midst of all the happy couples at the Rose Well House

There’s a tradition at IU for couples to kiss in this adorable little gazebo in the Old Crescent on Valentine’s Day. But screw traditions, they were made to be broken! Grab a big ol’ chocolate bunny — it shouldn’t be too hard to find, since Easter candy has been out at Kroger since Christmas — and a pack of tissues and go sit in the corner of the gazebo. Meanwhile, happy couples will line up around you. Sucking face with animal-shaped candy is way better than sucking face with the one you love, right? Right?

That big ditch by the stadium

All right, fuck it. Valentine’s Day is so stupid. So just follow in the footsteps of fellow Hoosier Leslie Knope and take a tumble down into the depths of a dirt hole, ditch, whatever you can find, really. Bring your chocolate, your wine, your tissues, some blankets and a stereo playing Mouse Rat’s “The Pit” on repeat. Then openly weep to your heart’s content. This is where your life has led you. Embrace it.

Happy Valentine’s Day!