Why I want to get married inside DC’s Trader Joe’s
Throw chocolate peanut butter cups across the aisle
If you have never been to a Trader Joe’s, you seriously need to reevaluate your life choices. I know what you’re thinking – it’s just a grocery store, what more is there to it?
Here are just a handful of the multitude of reasons why Trader Joe’s is the best place on Earth, in addition to my second home:
The dark chocolate covered peanut butter cups are to die for
And no, they’re not just over-priced Reese’s. They’re made with all natural ingredients, free from any artificial flavors or preservatives. Also, they’re covered in dark chocolate, so they’re “healthy” – at least that’s what my roommate and I tell ourselves in order to justify demolishing an entire tub in less than a day.
They offer an extensive selection of two dollar wine
Need I say more? It’s no (insert classy, expensive wine here), but this legendary “two buck chuck” will sure do the trick. Especially for college kids.
Seasonal products never disappoint
In addition to the regular stream of delicious and reliable products, Trader Joe’s has a dependable influx of seasonal favorites to spice things up. During the fall, be on the look out for the pumpkin ice cream. Note: if you lack self-control, you might want to figure out a way to ration it to avoid finishing an entire carton in one sitting. After a few spoonfuls, you physically may not be capable of putting it back in the freezer.
The interior design is brighter than my future
It’s been scientifically proven that it’s pretty much impossible to be in a bad mood while strolling through the vibrant aisles, decked out with punny signs and intricate artwork. There’s certainly no shortage of positive vibes.
There’s a consistent selection of free samples
The phrase “free samples” has got to be one of my top three favorite sayings – the others being “sleep in tomorrow” and “snow day.” This is a great opportunity to try the latest snack craze, or if nothing else, hold you over until you get out of the store, if you can bear to pull yourself away, that is. The sample portions are usually pretty generous, and I have yet to be kicked out or scorned for coming back for multiple rounds, so that’s always a plus.
Full-time employees are required to wear Hawaiian shirts
I repeat, REQUIRED. Where else can you get away with sporting the coolest look to work every day? My dad, being a middle-aged man, has worn a Hawaiian shirt to the store on multiple occasions, each time claiming it was purely a “coincidence.” Other customers often mistake him for an employee, but instead of correcting them when they ask where certain products are, he just leads them to the appropriate aisle.
Hopefully one day I’ll encounter my soul mate…I imagine we’ll meet while simultaneously reaching for the same bag of cheese puffs. In the meantime, I should probably book the store for my wedding day, word on the street is that it’s the new Dahlgren.