The zodiac signs as bars in Tallahassee

Now it all makes sense

Talloweek is quickly approaching, and between homecoming week, midterms, and storm recovery, it feels like the entire city needs a stiff drink. Here is every zodiac sign as a Tallahassee bar, so you know just where to go to get your bO0ze on in order to make some spooky memories you’ll never remember.

Capricorn – Bullwinkle’s

Capricorn, you tend to take life seriously, which means you also tend to take your fun seriously. You’re not looking for any type of event to throw off the night’s pre-planned itinerary. You’re Bull’s because it’s safe to guarantee a fun night with minimal complications. It’s the most renowned strictly 21+ bar in Tally, and I know you, dear ambitious Capricorn, are not looking to frolic with the underaged.

Aquarius – Waterworks

Aquarius, you tend to be the creative space cadet of the zodiac. You don’t care what anyone thinks– You know you’re awesome and innovative, and that’s all you need to feel confident. That makes Waterworks your ticket. From the outside, no one really knows what it is on the inside other than its super cool waterfall windows. On the inside, it’s an eclectic mix of tropical island decorations and fantastic DJs. All the while, serving a great lunch menu. The cocktails, though a bit pricey, never dissapoint. That’s you, young Aquarius. Stay weird.

Cancer – Madison Social

Cancer, you’re one of the most caring and emotionally aware of the zodiac. You’re Madso because it is always there for us. It stands proud and beautiful on the corner, inviting everyone in for a great time, and maybe a few surprises by the end of the night. Everyone loves Madso, and Madso loves everyone. It’s security and also adventure. It’s you, Cancer.

Aries – Warhorse

Aries, you’re known to be independent, courageous, and sometimes a little stubborn (in a good way). You are Warhorse because it is headstrong, unique, and always a fantastic night. If you’re looking to keep it low-key with some pizza after your single barrel whiskey, Warhorse has you covered. If you’re looking to black out after five picklebacks and a few underground IPAs, Warhorse also has you covered. That’s you, Aries, never change.

Taurus – Bird’s

Taurus, as much as you don’t like to admit it, you love upholding a good aesthetic, and you do have expensive taste. And as much as you love the finer things in life, sometimes (all the time) you love grabbing cheap PBR and oysters. You’re Bird’s because it’s perfectly curated, yet also relaxed. It’s always a good time, though not too overt and overbearing. And sometimes, there’s a karaoke night from which you end up leaving absolutely trashed with a goofy smile on your face. It’s the perfect mixture of underground gem, expensive taste, and fun, like you, dear Taurus!

Gemini – The Strip

Gemini, you have many sides and tons of energy. You tend to like adventure and spontaneity — this makes The Strip your ticket. The Strip has a bar for your every side. Feeling country? Hit Ken’s. Feeling like you need to get your stripper pole on? Hit Yianni’s. The Strip has it all, just like you. It’s a tornado of fun and excitement, keeping people from remembering the best nights of their life. You go, wild Gemini.

Pisces – Township

Pisces, you’re sensitive and an incredible friend. You tend to live more on the reserved side of things, though you do like to get [really] crazy every once in a while. You’re Township because you are loved by everyone, supportive of everyone, and you just would know the best beer cocktails in town. You can sit by the fireplace, take tequila shots at the bar, or catch up with the squad at one of the long wooden tables. When you’re at Township, you’re heard and taken care of. That’s like you, wonderful Pisces.

Leo – Recess

Leo, you’re the social butterflies of the zodiac, who love a good opportunity to look hot and be facey. You tend to have high self esteem, and you adore being loyal to and generous with your friends. You’re Recess because it’s the closest you can get to a Miami rooftop pool bar in Tallahassee — The pool is open during the warm and sunny Leo season, and closed for dancing during the sensual colder seasons. Not only does their logo resemble the Leo symbol, the generous y-bomb service and beautiful bar staff land you, dear Leo, to be Recess.

Virgo – Proof

Virgo, you sometimes get a bad wrap for being the overly-analytical control freaks of the zodiac. I think that’s all wrong. I think you are mind oriented thinkers. You like to better yourself and your squad– That’s why you’re Proof. Proof is professional yet fun, tame yet exciting. Everyone loves going to Proof for an after-work craft beer. That’s you, Virgo. Go keep being wonderful.

Libra – Clyde’s

Libra, you are one of the chillest signs of the zodiac. You’re inherently diplomatic, and you get along well with everyone. Work hard, play hard, but ‘stay cool’ was or is probably a motto of yours. Clyde’s is you, Libra. Everyone loves a good happy hour at Clyde’s. Though sometimes it can get a bit too rambunctious (like you), it’s always chill, delivering the best Friday night vibes. Long live the Libras.

Scorpio – Fire Betty’s

Scorpio, you’re intense. You know this, we know this, your pets know this. You’re incredibly loyal, and you view fun (and everything else) with a calculated sense of practicality. You also tend to have a darker, more mysterious connotation than the rest of the zodiac, which lands you to be Fire Betty’s. Fire Betty’s has the hookup with arcade games, drinks, and the occasional live music nights that are ideal for your upcoming birthday party. It’s the perfect cocktail of intensity, loyalty, mysteriousness, and calculation. It’s always fun and also a bit dark. That’s you, Scorpio.

Sagittarius – Standard

Sagittarius, you tend to have a positive outlook on life. You love exploring, meeting new people, and relishing in the vibrancy in living. Sometimes, though, you can be a bit too reckless. You’re Standard, for sure. Yes, sometimes it’s really hot and simply just too crowded, but it’s everyone’s favorite place to [try to] dance, catch a shack, and run into your exes. It’s generally a positive atmosphere, and you can be safe in believing you’ll get absolutely hammered. That’s you in bar form, Saggitarius.

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