What I’ve learned from being a young mom in college

The last few years of my life haven’t exactly been the easiest. While that may be normal for any college student, and probably a sentiment most of my fellow classmates would eagerly reply “lol same” to, unlike the majority of undergrads, I constantly juggle the massive amounts of work, caffeine binges, and sleepless nights with trying to be an attentive, patient, and (most importantly) loving mother.

College with a three year old isn’t ideal, that much is obvious. I don’t regret any of my choices and I can honestly say it’s impossible to imagine anything different, but the challenges and sacrifices that I have to make always carry the price tag of guilt with them. Yes, I moved my daughter 4 hours away from her family in order to go to a better school. Yes, some weekends we can’t go to the park because I have to submit assignments, write papers, or study for midterms. Yes, I hate that she spends so many hours at pre-K because I’m in class from 8-5 most days. Yes, I feel guilty when we get home and sometimes I’m too exhausted to do much more than cook dinner and read a bed time story. How do you tell a three year old that you’re sorry but that one day it will all be worth it? You can’t.

By no means is this entirely representative of my college experience, as I find myself happy and having fun more often than not. While “fun” for me is typically far more tame than most 20-somethings’ definitions, I don’t recall ever feeling as if I’m necessarily “missing out” on anything crucial. The friends I have made over these three years are all incredibly supportive, and actively go out of their way to include Gianna in anything we plan, and love her as much as they love me. If anything, I am grateful for a reason to stay home on most weekends to study, and for the constant reminder to stay diligent with my classes and my grades. I am not just taking care of myself, and I am not just here for my own future, there’s another persons future entirely dependent on how well I do right now. It is daunting to think about at times, but it’s the best incentive I have ever had.

With that being said, there are a few recurring lessons I have learned (outside of the classroom) in my time here at Florida State that I think have shaped the person, parent, and young adult I have become.

When you tell people you have a kid, it apparently becomes an invitation to play 20 questions

Honestly, it’s amazing how fast traditional manners and respect for privacy go out the window when people hear you’re a mom in college.

“How do you pay for everything?”

Calm down, Susan, I just met you. You don’t need to know my bank account balance. But seriously, is it normal for people to ask each other in-depth questions about money so abruptly? This is college, assume I’m as broke as you.

“Is her father in the picture?”

C’mon.

“What do you do with your kid all day?”

I crate her like a dog during the day and leave a bowl of snacks & a single water bottle before I leave every morning, obviously. Honestly has no one ever heard of daycare?

“Can I see a picture of her?”

This is the only question I don’t mind. I will absolutely take this opportunity to show you my adorable baby, thank you for asking.

 

Some things are going to be a little bit harder for other students, but everything else will be significantly harder for you

This was something that my mother told me before I left for Florida State, but only something I could really learn with time. Looking back at the last few years and forward to the coming semesters, I realize how true it was. Sometimes your toddler has the stomach flu and it puts you out of class for a week– your professor may understand and even excuse you– but you’re still a week behind everyone else come exam day. Some nights she may refuse to sit anywhere other than on my lap while I’m trying to write a paper thats due in thirty minutes, and the only way I can finish it is if I’m standing in the kitchen and refuse to sit down until it’s done.

Having a big exam means spending time playing with her before bed so that you can use your 10 pm-4 am window of opportunity to it’s fullest, and pray that she stays asleep the entire night so you don’t have to rock her with one hand and hold your orgo textbook open with the other. Top it off with a nice rounded 2 hours sleep before you’re up cooking breakfast, dressing a squirmy toddler, packing lunches, and preparing for class!

This all comes with the territory, and I really don’t mind it. Mostly, I’m grateful I was in the position to receive a college education, and that I did so well in high school despite my senior year being done entirely from home. My life could have gone a very different route than where it has, and I never second guess my choice to further my education.

You will meet people that hold tremendous amounts of respect for you, and you will meet those that think you don’t have any reason to be here. There’s not much of an in-between

I have nearly been brought to tears by the kind words of those who support and respect me for my choice to raise a child while I’m in college. Friends, fellow students, and even professors have made that admiration clear to me and it means more than I am ever able to fully articulate, but I still try.

On the other hand however, I will always face the critics. I have been told things that range from mildly obnoxious to downright horrendous. From those who have tried to insult me by telling me that “kids suck the fun out of college” to someone who thought “you’d be happier if you had an abortion” was a joke that I would appreciate. I have been asked why I don’t just drop out until she’s older, why I don’t just get married and make it easier, or been told I’m “letting other people take care of (my) kid” by putting her in daycare while I’m in school. I even once had a professor refuse to excuse me from class for the day when Gianna’s daycare was closed (forcing me to bring her to class), proceed to tell me that I was a distraction to everyone because I brought a baby, and that she needed to sit in the chair quietly the entire time (she clearly didn’t understand toddlers).

Thankfully, the negativity pales in comparison to the kindness I have been shown, and I try to pay it no mind. I know what is best for me, and especially for my daughter. Anyone who disagrees just has no place in our lives.

 

College is rough on everyone, there is no argument on that. It is a time of uncertainty, exploration, anxiety, and excitement all boiled into one four year trip down a winding road with no map to guide you. My path may have a few extra bumps in the road, but the best part of it is that I know absolutely nothing different. I have never experienced college without a child, so this is just my ‘normal’. The most important thing I have learned over the last three years is to take everything in stride and find comfort in knowing that I am doing my absolute best.

I have a happy, healthy, and adorable three year old that I love more than anything, who will hopefully one day be able to fully appreciate all the sacrifices I am making so that she never has to make any. She’s right here with me through it all, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.