Everything less disappointing than the presidential election
Calm down, crazy Uncle Gary
Whether you’re disgruntled about the election results, or shocked at the behavior it has incited out of people on both sides across the country, everyone can pretty much agree that this has been a sh**show of a week whose only sliver of sunshine has emerged in the form of every Millennial’s favorite coping mechanism: JoBama memes.
With all of our collective disappointment and frustrations in mind, here are some things we’re less disappointed by than this first week post-election:
Your GPA
You might be planning a lively future of living in a box after in failing Calc for the second time in two semesters, but have you turned on the news this week?
Cold french fries
This definitely also makes you want to gag, but just a little bit less.
Waking up for your 8 AM the morning after Halloween
You smell like one too many shots of Captain, sweating an uncomfortable amount, your Harley Quinn makeup is smeared across your face, and there’s a strong possibility you threw up in the trashcan right before you walked into HCB. Still not as bad.
Why do 8 A.M’s even exist
“Attendance is mandatory for the class”
The worst six word sentence in college. Somehow though, this feeling is usurped every time you’ve had to scroll past the Facebook rant of your uncle Gary, who has seemingly switched careers and become a top political analyst overnight.
Harambe
If opening Twitter to see 5 pictures of a Gorilla every day for 6 months has gotten a little bit old, imagine what we’ll be seeing until 2020.
Your bank account balance
I resemble my checking balance, that is to say, I’m a dime.
More realistically though, getting judged for having your card declined when you’re trying to buy toilet paper at Publix probably sounds ideal right now.
When you remember your 6 page paper is due at 11:59 and it’s 11:48
Have you started? Of course not. Did you only remember it after your third car bomb of the night? Absolutely.
Pouring your cereal into a bowl and then realizing you have no milk
Just as dry, tasteless, and hard to swallow as those incoming political opinions you’re going to be listening to over Thanksgiving dinner.
When your teacher refuses to cancel class Thanksgiving week
Hello, Professor Killjoy. Hello, President Killjoy.
Stepping into an actual pile of dog shit
It smells just as bad as the next four years are going to feel.
The literal Apocalypse
Cthulhu 2016?