7 savage responses to your family’s most annoying Thanksgiving questions
Not for the faint of heart
It’s that time of the year again — a chance to finally get a break from studying, eat some yummy turkey, and watch the ‘Noles beat the Gators. But, with all that greatness comes something truly terrifying: having to deal with annoying family members and their even more annoying questions.
We all know how stressful dealing with family can be after living a carefree and independent life, so here’s a comeback guide to help you answer all those pesky questions your family throws your way.
“How are your classes going?”
“I get about ten hours of sleep a week and spend the rest of the time crying over how stressed I am. Does that answer your question?”
This one is guaranteed to work every time. Your family won’t know if you’re kidding or not and will be too scared to further question you.
“So, are you dating anyone?”
“No, Aunt May, I’m not dating anyone. When will your divorce papers be finalized?”
Aunt May, nor anyone else for that matter, will ever ask you if you’re dating anyone again after they see what a savage you are.
I reject an antiquated system that allows a person like Donald Trump to become President. Vilifying immigrants, committing fraud, denying the existence of irrefutable detrimental climate change, and openly discussing his misogynistic deplorable celebrity male-right to grab a woman by her pussy are reasons to not only be appalled, but to protest with every fiber of your existence. Get the fuck up. Don't bury your head in your tiny screen, shrug, and feel as though you can't do anything. Their was a time that women couldn't vote and black people drank from separate water fountains. Absurd, right?! Change begins when you refuse to ride in the back of the bus. Change begins with your social media. It begins now. #notmypresident #vetothecheeto #pussygrabsback #dumptrump #getoutside #protestthegrotesque #nastywoman #californiagirl #northerncalifornia #bayarea #equalrights #organize
“Did you vote for Trump?”
“I’d rather not have a xenophobic human cheeto as my president, but thanks for asking!”
End of conversation.
“Has college turned you into a party animal?”
Step 1: Proceed to grab the nearest alcoholic beverage you can find and chug the entire thing.
Step 2: “Does that answer your question?
“What are your plans once you graduate?”
Step 1: “Who said I was actually going to graduate?”
Step 2: Repeat aggressive wine chug in attempt to drink away your sorrows.
“Have you gained the freshman 15 yet?”
“No, I haven’t, but I see you’ve gained the over-fifty 15!”
Would you like some ice with that burn?
“Are you getting along with your roommate?”
“I’m getting along with my roommate just as well as you’re getting along with your ex-husband.“
With all of these great comebacks, you’re sure to have a great Thanksgiving. Enjoy that turkey and make some great Thanksgiving memories, you savage, you!