This is your drinking game for the first presidential debate
There’s no way to handle this madness sober
The first presidential debate is set to take place tonight, September 26. If you’re a fan of politics, or even marginally partake in any social media outlet, you are already more than aware of the craziness that has ensued over the course of this election season.
There have been accusations of racism and misogyny, email scandals and countless political memes, but nothing Trumps this steep Hill to presidency. If political puns and a plot as dramatic as daytime television isn’t enough to drive you to alcohol, we’re here to provide another excuse for you to drink your troubles away.
Preparation
It is very important you don’t have any heavy or sharp objects anywhere near you as you watch the debate. Throwing a lamp at the television or at any of your friends supporting the opposite party is unacceptable and frankly, is just bad manners. (Telling your pet to attack anyone isn’t nice either – don’t do it.)
Furthermore, make sure to brush up on your curse words. To do this, you can refer to the ever classy Urban Dictionary, or travel to shore and study the language of sailors. It’s vital to release your rage in a way that doesn’t physically hurt others. This rule is only permitted towards the direction of your television and not at your friends, unless they’re being dumb bitches.
Obtain alcohol and food. Enough said.
The big event
You will see a lot of the following throughout the entire event. Take a sip when…
- You hear either candidate say, “My fellow Americans…” or “the American people.” These phrases are a favorite among any politician, so you can bet on them being featured in both opening statements and rebuttals. Multiple times.
- If the moderator, Lester Holt, ever gets cut off during the debate. Both Trump and Clinton are very anxious to get their opinions out there, so you can count on more than one interruption.
- If you ever hear the words “terrorism,” “crooked,” or “wall.” It’ll make all of the pain go away. The next few items are determined with a careful eye and a good physical judgment – if Trump rolls his eyes or it looks like Clinton just farted, then you best take a drink.
Waiting for 9/8c
For the more hardcore topics, you’re going to need a greater consequence. Therefore, take a shot when…
- Clinton’s email scandal is mentioned, for the conviction that never was.
- Anytime Trump talks about how great he is. Dearest Donald tends to be extremely humble though, so you shouldn’t have to worry too much about that one.
It has happened before, and it very well may happen again. Thus, you must finish your drink if Donald Trump insults the moderator. Whether it be an accusation of incompetence or a racial slur, being appalled has to wait until the very last drop is drained.
Cheers.