Getting real about eating disorders and friendship

There’s no ‘right’ way to help, but silence is definitely wrong

There’s no “right” way to recover from an eating disorder, but after spending two and a half years at an “elite” college I’ve seen some of the worst. They range from denial, friend group-wide support of bad habits, one-week attempts at therapy, and switching from one unhealthy way to regulate weight to another – i.e. purging to over-exercising.

I struggled with my own eating disorder back in high school. I was lucky enough that my parents took it very seriously at onset and forced me to begin seeing a counselor. I was furious, embarrassed, and much of it didn’t work for a long time. It became a “family problem” instead of just a “me problem.” The whole extended family had things they shouldn’t and should say to me, but only because they took the time to ask my parents. My family showed they loved me by taking my problem seriously.

Still, I don’t think I got better until I was put inpatient in junior fall, when I had to miss a crucial period of GPA boosting and APUSH cramming to be sitting in a hospital, unable to do work. I was unable to drink more than one cup of coffee because it would interfere with my appetite, and unable to talk to my parents and family or any of my friends, for more than five minutes. I was so terrified, that the fear of the consequences outweighed the fear of gaining weight.

So that’s “my story.” Some people would say it has a distinct beginning, middle, and end. But the truth is I still struggle – I just had my patterns broken. I still consciously have to work on overriding old thought patterns when they periodically pop up in my mind. However, when this happens I tell my parents and I tell one or two of my “safe” friends.

What neuroscience teaches us is that eating disorders aren’t something girls and guys just “get over.” They have to be broken neurologically and require rewiring.

Eating disorder behaviors are actually manifestations of dysfunction of the corticostriatal circuit of motivation and reward. Usually, the neurotransmitter dopamine is released to behaviors that are “survival positive” and they are reinforced. Starving yourself and making yourself purge nutrients don’t fall under that category, but these are the behaviors that have been associated with dopamine release in the brain of eating-disordered individuals.

In the same way obesity and overeating stem from patterns of habitual behavior, anorexia, bulimia, and general eating disorders general are much explained by “runaway” dopamine signaling reinforcing detrimental, habitual behaviors.

This biological basis of eating disorders is associated with maladaptive habits. This tells us that eating disorders do not appear overnight when a girl or guy decides they are fat.

Instead, there is pre-eating disorder period where people begin taking incredible fixation on their body and food. The associations often beginning subconsciously, taken from what they hear and affirmed by how others react OR DON’T react.

The reason I am writing this article is that I continue to see people untreated for this disease on campus and I know firsthand that it is harmful and possibly deadly. Anorexia is the MOST DEADLY psychological disorder. Bulimia can permanently damage your voice, gastrointestinal organs, as well as your blood pressure. Eating disorders in general can lead to extremely brittle bones, memory loss, cognitive decline, extra hair growth to keep you warm, and loss of protective heart tissue.

While I haven’t fallen back in my illness, I’ve seen a lot of people brushing off their friends’ or their own self-abusive behavior.

There is a troubling unspoken standard: mind your own business if the person “has it under control.” In some cases, dangerously skinny individuals are STILL left to their own. I believe this stems from the fact that most all of us deal with body image issues by the very nature of our culture to some extent. But you CAN’T have an eating disorder under control. It controls you.

Do you really think if someone glimpses a sign for the women’s center in the bathroom they will stop throwing up and go “turn themselves in”?

No. These habits are serving a purpose.

Unless someone has received proper treatment and taken the time to sort through pop culture and decipher what are nutritional truths and lies, their habitual patterns and fears will persist – neurologically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

I have heard girls who have had their eating practices since early high school, and for whatever reason their parents haven’t intervened.

I have heard of girls who only stopped their rituals because of having to share bathrooms.

I know too many people who probably didn’t take the above girls seriously.

60 PERCENT of the calories you consume go to your brain. I would bet you at least 60 percent of girls on campus could tell you how many calories they’ve eaten today.

Does this not disturb you? It disturbs me. Please do the compassionate thing and intervene. Let a friend know you are concerned about their behavior, and offer to help them get help. In this case, the compassionate thing is not to just think “you do you.”

Your friends and loved ones at your home away from home are worth the trouble.

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