My first semester at Duke: As told by Adele

Adele’s record-smashing album 25 has been playing non-stop in my dorm all semester.

As Adele once again named the album after the age she was when she began recording it, the album could easily be considered simply a “self-exploration.” However, in addition to exploring her own emotions, 25 also allows for the exploration of more personal emotions and thoughts.

Rightfully so, this album contains some lyrical gems that can directly relate to how I’ve felt the past few months. Missed opportunities, un-blossomed friendships, failed attempts at doing my laundry: this is how my semester went, in chronological order, as told by Adele.

I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be/So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe – Remedy

I can not tell you how long that I waited to come to school. The first record of my excitement about college dates back to a picture I drew in 2002, when I was only five years old, holding a diploma from Vanderbilt University.

Underneath I wrote: “Collage is fun. I like collage.”

Of course, I certainly know more now, for example, how to spell college. But I also know more about myself. I was so anxious to leave home and to get out on my own, to find my own way, and make my own mistakes without anyone being able to tell me that I did it wrong from the beginning.

College is this exciting thing with new freedoms and new responsibilities, and most importantly, a time that is infamous for the creation friendships that will last a lifetime. For those reasons, it was seemingly a culminating test of my childhood – how easily could I make the transition?

I thought that I was ready.

I wasn’t even close.

Why do I hate the idea of being free…? – Water Under the Bridge

I was slow to accept the fact that things that had previously bothered me about living at home, such as having to tell people when I left and where I was going, now seem oddly comforting.

I began to miss my mom coming in while I was studying to bring me newspaper articles or strawberries with sugar. I miss my dogs barking while I was doing homework (despite the fact that I hated it at the time).

I miss my brother running into my room at 1am when I’m already asleep to ask me to borrow a stapler. (I also miss being in bed by 1am.)

Most of all I miss the home in which I know that everyone loves me, cares about me, and accepts me, no matter how appreciative I am of those little things. It’s a constant blank slate with complete understanding of the past.

I miss the air, I miss my friends/I miss my mother – Million Years Ago

I am an 18 year-old freshman in college, and yes, I really miss my mom. And my coffee shop. And my crazy-ass friends and teammates.

So why don’t we just play pretend/Like we’re not scared of what is coming next or scared of having nothing left – All I Ask

At the beginning of the semester I felt the need to conceal the fact that I was tired, homesick, and angry about the freshman meal plan. Everyone else seemed to have it all figured out. There was a barrier that scared me: when do you know someone well enough to be vulnerable and weak in front of them?

I’ve learned is OK to be vulnerable, no matter how long you’ve known someone, because odds are they might be feeling the same way. Sure, if they aren’t they might just think you’re a little over-emotional, but you will never lose by being honest.

We both know we ain’t kids no more – Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

Responsibility? What’s that? You mean I should probably clean my laundry because our room is starting to smell a little like lake water? Do you have any detergent? Ugh – I don’t want to walk to Harris Teeter, it’s cold and far. Whole Foods? Nope. That costs money. Like a lot of money.

College is all about dealing with these things. For example, I know I have the responsibility to do my Calculus homework but Scandal is on tonight. Such a conflict.

If you’re gonna let me down, let me down gently – Water Under the Bridge

I will not lie, I got a 45 on my first Calculus 122L midterm. And I like Calculus. Like a lot. But my first midterm certainly didn’t let me down gently – it threw me off of the side of the cliff. It’s all part of the plan. I think.

They say that time’s supposed to heal ya, but I ain’t done much healing – Hello

It has been six weeks and I still am down with the freshman plague. It’s 8am, I have class in 45 minutes and I am still laying in my bed, drowning in my own lungs and wanting to cry at the thought of moving.

I can’t tell if I’ve gotten better or worse and student health won’t let me schedule an appointment until next Tuesday. It’s only Monday.

Everybody loves the things you do, from the way you talk to the way you move: everybody here is watching you – When We Were Young

My first trip to Shooters was during O-Week. And lucky me, guess who was there? The Duke Men’s Basketball team, the National Champions in the flesh.

As a huge basketball fan I was excited to see them, but I was also surprised how their presence made people stop and stare.

I literally witnessed a couple stop making out when Grayson Allen walked in. I couldn’t tell which one was more excited.

But when I call you never seem to be home – Hello

I can not tell you how many times this semester I have received a text message from my parents saying “Hello?” I always laugh because I’m really bad at keeping up with text messages, so I pick up the phone to call them.

How is it that every time I call them, even right after receiving a text, they don’t pick up?

I feel like my life is flashing by, and all I can do is watch and cry – Million Years Ago

It’s crazy to think that my first semester of Freshman year is over. I can’t believe us freshmen have only seven more semesters on campus. The tears aren’t for sadness, per se, but they are for the overwhelming excitement that I know Duke will bring in the next three years.

It’s no secret that the both of us are running out of time – Hello

Hello ________, you were supposed to give me my peer edits for this paper by midnight because it’s due at 8:45 tomorrow morning. Have you read it yet? Oh you haven’t written yours yet? Don’t I have to look at yours too? OK it’s 1:30am, have it to me by 3am and I’ll give you your edits directly.

It’s now 4am. We have class in four hours, and I have not received my paper yet. Not another all-nighter.

Hello from the outside/At least I can say that I’ve tried – Hello

It’s November 20th at 10:03pm and it’s 31 degrees outside. I had found my DukeCard this morning after looking for about twenty minutes (hence the “tried” part), but I left it in my room. Again. And I’m locked out. Again.

Hello, can you hear me? – Hello

Tuesday at noon, forty minutes after the class, we have discussion section for Psychology. Everyone is dead. Ten minutes in discussion, no one had said anything relevant (or really anything at all).

All of a sudden, my Psych TA says: “Hello? Big exam week for you all? Well that tone was a question and it wasn’t rhetorical.”

I still feel bad for her, but she tried.

There was something in the water, now that something’s in me – River Lea

Always check the punch. And, depending on where you are, the water too.

I find it funny that you’re the only one I never looked for – Sweetest Devotion

Right now, I have already seen changes in relationships I made the first few weeks of college. We are all beginning to discover new people, as well as new things and places beyond our dorm.

Of course we still make each other happy, and of course we will all be there for each other forever, it’s just that we know our friendship will take other paths and fall into other outlets.

I care deeply about being there for my friends, through thick and thin, and I think recently I have begun to find a few people that I would really fight for. In the past two weeks, people I never saw as really good friends have grown immensely in my heart.

I am so thankful for those people that I never looked for. I absolutely can not wait to return to Duke and be with them after the break.

Sure, we missed a little time. But we still have a few more months and I want to take advantage of it.