An honest guide to the frats at Boulder

Starting off my freshman year with ideas of frat parties formulated from too much Blue Mountain State and other equally ridiculous TV shows and movies was not the most beneficial for my conception of frat parties at CU. Although our school is regarded as a “party” school, there are still some trivial faults being committed by some of these boys. Now it’s time to lay them all on the table.

Acacia

Acacia is a middle school dance all grown up. EDM remixes and grimy floors are a must (as in any frat party). Their basement doubles as a dance room but is always about 57 degrees hotter. This was the place to go freshman year before you had the nerve to ditch your guy friends at the door because these boys always let your boys in.

Alpha Epsilon Pi

“Oh yeah, the Jewish frat!”

These boys are super chatty and fun to talk to. Although they might not be your destination for the rager of your Blue Mountain State fantasies, they’re a real “class act,” as described by some freshman girls.

Alpha Sigma Phi (Alpha Sig)

These guys are A1. I was once greeted at an Alpha Sig annex party with a conversation about string theory – these boys know what’s going on. They’re a super eclectic group of people so you’re bound to find one that you’re down to talk to. The best thing about Alpha Sig is that they have a stripper pole in the basement – and those boys love to use it.

Chi Psi

These boys are the definition of frat stars. If you can picture a dude in Sperry’s, Chubbies, a Vineyard Vines long sleeve and a Patagonia vest, you can picture almost every boy in Chi Psi. They’re the type to shotgun a beer to start the morning off right. They’re also one of the closest houses to the dorms, so they’re a frequent stop. Going to this frat to try and find a boy could be hard though, as their ratio is all sorts of screwed up. For every 20 girls you see, there is one boy – and believe me, he’s already with a girl.

Tau Kappa Epsilon (TKE)

These parties are not really frequented by most because they always run out of booze right out of the gate. TKE remains a mystery.

Zeta Beta Tau (ZBT)

ZBT or more well known as “zero bitches there”. While there may be no bitches, there are a lot of really nice guys. The kicker is that they always let boys in. Congrats, now you can party with all the homies.

Sigma Phi Epsilon (Sig Ep)

Sig Ep from the outside looks straight out of a movie. The lights flashing out of the windows seem more like a beacon to drunk girls looking around for parties on The Hill than for entertainment when you’re inside. For this reason, Sig Ep also provides many people with some of their first “college party” experiences. When the weather is nice, you can catch these boys in their backyard playing beer pong at literally any hour of the day or night. Don’t worry though, they WILL have their shirts off and they WILL be wearing American flag chubbies. That’s a look.

Sigma Pi (Sig Pi)

Along with Kappa Sig, Sig Pi got kicked out of the IFC (Interfraternity Council) in the fall of 2013. That means that these boys can throw down whenever. There are no blackout dates. Kind of like the Capital One credit card of frats.

Sigma Alpha Epsilon (SAE)

Popularly known as “sexual assault expected” – though that’s a nationwide rep. While sketch moments may be rumored to happen at any given night at SAE, their parties do not disappoint.

Sigma Nu (Sig Nu)

Sig Nu is no stranger to themed parties when they’re not on social probation. There’s also a taxidermy Ralphie in the basement. They have one of the nicest frat houses with a buffalo statue in the front. Now you can feel classy (or at least as classy as you can) in a beautiful house while you watch other people dry hump each other.

Theta Xi

These boys are extreme and not just because they’re the sports frat. Ask any girl and this is one of their all time favorites. Like all others, these boys deck themselves out in Patagucci but will also stop to talk to you and then proceed to party. The day that Theta Xi got put on social probation because of a crazy St. Patty’s day party was the day that CU Boulder mourned.

Kappa Sigma (Kappa Sig)

Kappa Sig was also kicked out of the IFC in the spring of 2015. Thanks for giving us options on the blackout dates, Kappa Sig.

Phi Kappa Psi (Phi Psi)

Or as some people call it, “the place you drunkenly stumble when you’re looking for Sig Nu.” These parties are a tight squeeze. There seems to never be enough room to walk around and talk, which I guess is a good problem to have. You can never complain about having too much fun.

Pi Kappa Phi (Pi Kap)

It’s no secret that Pi Kaps are hot. What’s even better are their jersey Tuesday parties.

Phi Kappa Tau (Phi Tau)

Expect to hear the same ten songs the whole time. These include And We Danced, Party in the USA, Fergalicious, and Jordan Belfort. ALWAYS Jordan Belfort. This place has some redeeming qualities though. The boys are nice to talk to and the atmosphere is always pretty relaxed. But Phi tau is also the frat that puts the dreaded X marks on your hand and asks to see your ID. Next thing you know you’re in class the next morning trying to rub off the sharpie on your skin that’s visible from three miles away. X might mark where your party is, but it doesn’t mark the spot.

---

By the way, if you’re a dude and any frat asks you who you know, say Jack. There is always a Jack.