Everything you wish you had ready for Parents’ Weekend

It was Thursday night. You were stumbling home from a frat party, and as you finally collapsed into bed, you realized something: your parents get here tomorrow and you have to make yourself presentable. But what should you have done?

Thankfully we have the answers for you.

Your room

First, you should have cleaned your room. Regardless of what your RAs said, you have some sort of banned substances in your room that need to be hidden. Solid hiding spots include a sock drawer or that old hoodie in the back of your closet.

Your smell

Second, you should have bought a can of Febreze and just sprayed it all over your room. I’m not sure what you’ve been doing in your room, but there’s a 90-95 percent chance that it smelled terrible. Febreze will at least have masked that for a few hours.

Your manners

Third, you should have worked on your manners. You already knew your mom would be all over you about them. Holding doors open for random people and emphasizing your usage of “please” and “thank you” would have helped.

Your mess

And lastly, picking up that mess. The days of mindlessly tossing clothes, trash, towels, etc. onto the ground were over when they arrived. Your parents have witnessed your devolution into a complete slob.

If you followed these simple tips, you should have had a controversy-free, relaxed Parents’ Weekend. You’re welcome.