Cornell is the most average-looking Ivy, according to dating experts
There must be some sort of mistake
Cornell was ranked 4th most attractive Ivy, in what is probably one of the world’s most useless and inaccurate polls.
In related news, Business Insider wasted a solid two and a half minutes of my life with the most ridiculous article I’ve ever had the misfortune to read.
Dear Business Insider,
Here is a list of things which more useful to read:
1. The Tab
2. The New York Times
3. That paperback that’s been sitting on your shelf unopened for five years now
4. A billboard
5. The complete terms and conditions for an iOS update
6. The nutritional facts on a bag of chips you have already eaten
Now maybe I should be grateful – at least we weren’t ranked 8th (sucks to be Harvard) – but really all I can feel is an overwhelming sadness about those two and half minutes, wasted by me and by readers everywhere.
Especially when it’s clear Cornell is the best looking Ivy.
Our students have brains and beauty. We’ve got a sexy award-winning hotel with an exquisite restaurant. Our hockey, lacrosse, basketball, and tennis players win and look great doing it. And what’s sexier than ‘77 alum Bill Nye?
Screw the haters. We’re gorges.