My mom considered aborting me and I’m still pro-choice

As a teen, when I first talked to my mom about going on birth control, she warned me that it can fail sometimes. There is no perfect birth control. She wanted me to be prepared for what might happen even if I was careful. Because she was on birth control when she got pregnant with me.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise. My parents weren’t married until I was two but I some how never put it together that I wasn’t planned. After all, my mom never married my sister’s dad and it didn’t seem that out of the ordinary to me.

As I’ve grown up though and spent more time thinking about what that means, it’s a bit odd to come to terms with. I mean, if I were her, I probably would have gotten an abortion. I would want my pregnancy to be planned. I would have wanted to be married to the father of my future child.

I came to the realization that my mom probably considered not keeping me. She thought about aborting me but didn’t.

So I decided to ask her why.

What happened? Why was my birth an unplanned pregnancy?

I am not very good with dates and times so this is roughly what happened. Your dad and I had been dating for a couple of years when I got pregnant with you. We lived together, your dad, seven-year-old sister and me, in an apartment in Bellevue. We were living pretty much like a married couple, however, we did not have plans for marriage. I am not sure how much we had even talked about marriage when I found out I was pregnant.

Why did you choose not to have an abortion?

I had an abortion a little over a year earlier. At that time your dad and I were not living together and had not been together long enough to know whether our relationship was solid enough to have a child. The timing was not good. I was on birth control both times that I got pregnant.

When I got pregnant with you, our relationship was much stronger. I loved your dad, thought he would make a great dad and we were living in a shared household as a family. We were both scared and excited, but we decided we were ready to have a child together. However, it was a difficult decision because the pregnancy was not planned and we were not married.

What is your advice to other women who become pregnant unexpectedly?

First, making this decision is between you and the father of the child. It is not your parent’s, your church’s, your friend’s or your society’s decision. It is best when you and the father of the baby agree on the decision to carry the pregnancy forward or not. If you do not agree, it can be a hard and emotionally messy situation. Keep in mind the strength of your relationship because so many end in divorce. If you have allowed someone else to make the decision, there is much more room for regret later. Know why you made the decision and be sure of it, as best you can.

It is a big decision to have a child and important to want to bring a child into the world. Many people spend more time educating themselves about buying a computer or phone than they do in planning a child. I believe that the environment a child comes into and the way the individuals feels about becoming parents profoundly impacts the life of a child. If the relationship is unstable, the emotional life of the child is put at risk. That doesn’t mean that a child born to parents who are scared or apprehensive about being in the position of having an unplanned pregnancy won’t fall in love with their child or won’t be good parents. But there is also the possibility that the child will be unwanted and the parents unprepared for the physical and emotional demands of parenting. Which is not good for the child.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Parenting a child is a profound responsibility. Carefully consider your own motivations for having a child and when possible plan and prepare. Learn about parenting and child development ahead of time and along the way. Talk to other parents and make sure you have a good support systems. Parenting and intimate relationships are plenty full of difficulties, sleepless nights, worries, frustrations, anger, self-doubt, righteousness, stress and mistakes. On the other hand it is beautiful, delightful, rewarding and joyful.

I have never felt unwanted, that’s why knowing I was an accident was never a problem. My parents have been endlessly supportive and loving. They had a stable home for me to grow up in. They loved each other and they loved me.

Knowing that I could have been aborted doesn’t bother me. In fact, it’s better knowing my parents sat down and chose me.

That is why I’m pro-choice. That is why we need to keep places like Planned Parenthood open. Having control over when and with who we start a family, is crucial. Everyone should have access to contraception: it not only prevents pregnancy, it prevents abortion too.

No one wants to have to be put in the position to chose to have an abortion or not. However, things don’t always go as planned and the choice needs to be there to give every child the best start to life possible.

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