Every mistake you’ll make as a freshman at Columbia

Good luck with your 8:40

The first semester of freshman year it seemed like everyone had their shit together. People had created awesome apps in high-school, gone to Africa for charity work and collaborated with top university professors and there I was like: “Banish me from this earth oh mighty one.”

I found myself feeling like I had to be Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, Roger Federer and Scarlett Johansson all at the same time. Truth is, honey, you can’t do it, you just can’t. So here are a list of common freshman mistakes you can hopefully avoid:

Scheduling a class on Friday

You think it’s going to be OK but it really isn’t.

Picking an 8:40

Nope.

Taking too many classes your first semester

You think you can handle it but you’ll be better off feeling at least one percent relaxed.

Throwing away that sticky pocket thingy for your phone that you get during orientation

It will brighten up your life.

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Bringing half your closet from home

Honestly, you really just need to the basics to survive.

All nighters

Your grandma did not lie when she said you needed a good night’s sleep.

Not bringing flip flops to shower with

May God help you.

Buying books from the bookstore

You will no longer have money for chewing gum; Amazon is the key.

Not taking advantage of your dining plan

You’ll be broke.

Bringing a couple of novels to read during the year

#1 don’t lug all that weight #2 ain’t got no time for that shit.

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Not Skyping with your parents

When finals come around you will wish you were still in your diapers and your mom was rocking you to sleep.

Assuming that jungle juice is for sissies

Y’all gonna die.

Trying to hang stuff on your wall with tack or putty

You have a better chance at finding out Victoria’s Secret.

Studying in your room

Netflix is Satan and you are Eve craving a big luscious red apple.

Ignoring your parents when they say ‘college years will be the best of your life’

Have a blast!

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