Every mistake you’ll make as a freshman at Columbia
Good luck with your 8:40
The first semester of freshman year it seemed like everyone had their shit together. People had created awesome apps in high-school, gone to Africa for charity work and collaborated with top university professors and there I was like: “Banish me from this earth oh mighty one.”
I found myself feeling like I had to be Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, Roger Federer and Scarlett Johansson all at the same time. Truth is, honey, you can’t do it, you just can’t. So here are a list of common freshman mistakes you can hopefully avoid:
Scheduling a class on Friday
You think it’s going to be OK but it really isn’t.
Picking an 8:40
Taking too many classes your first semester
You think you can handle it but you’ll be better off feeling at least one percent relaxed.
Throwing away that sticky pocket thingy for your phone that you get during orientation
It will brighten up your life.
Bringing half your closet from home
Honestly, you really just need to the basics to survive.
Your grandma did not lie when she said you needed a good night’s sleep.
Not bringing flip flops to shower with
May God help you.
Buying books from the bookstore
You will no longer have money for chewing gum; Amazon is the key.
Not taking advantage of your dining plan
You’ll be broke.
Bringing a couple of novels to read during the year
#1 don’t lug all that weight #2 ain’t got no time for that shit.
Not Skyping with your parents
When finals come around you will wish you were still in your diapers and your mom was rocking you to sleep.
Assuming that jungle juice is for sissies
Y’all gonna die.
Trying to hang stuff on your wall with tack or putty
You have a better chance at finding out Victoria’s Secret.
Studying in your room
Netflix is Satan and you are Eve craving a big luscious red apple.
Ignoring your parents when they say ‘college years will be the best of your life’
Have a blast!