How you know there’s only two weeks left in the semester

When you feel overwhelmed, just go DT

You know the end of the semester is near when you refuse to get out of bed because you have a meeting with your professor to talk about how you may fail the class. Then you have a meeting with your godawful group to work on the project due tonight.

And then there’s the fact you owe your roommate 30 bucks for electricity, but you don’t have it because you spent it last night DT. Now you’re broke and you don’t have money for food, so she should, like, cut you a break. Right?

Let’s say you make it out of bed and you’re on your way to campus. At this point, you’ve spilled coffee on your shirt because you’re late to meet with your professor. At least Ariana Grande didn’t start playing in the car for the short period you were in it – then you would have had to stay and jam. You meet with your professor to talk about failing the class and it’s inevitable, sorry.

Next, you head to meet with your group. Two people show up (including you). You try to do all the work, but you don’t have a clue what the fuck you’re even supposed to be doing. So you tell the other guy to leave and you’ll just pay someone to do it for you.

Now you have to find a way to make 50 bucks to pay the dude who finally offered to help you with the project, so you find yourself signed up for multiple studies all over campus that offer you $10 to participate. You don’t know how you’re supposed to help the Accounting people with their study though, because that’s the class you’re failing. Whatever, still signing up.

You finally get to leave campus and go home, but you realize you’re still trying to avoid your roomie because you owe them electric money. So you go to DT again. Good idea because you have an 8am exam tomorrow and your project is due at midnight. Also, you have no food for when you get home drunk tonight, so no drunchies for you. Again, whatever.

These last two weeks of the semester are so exciting. Nothing turns me on more than five papers due on Wednesday, seven finals and two presentations. On top of all of this, I have to attempt to find a company that will willingly hire me and pay me more than what my services are actually worth. This doesn’t stress me out at all.

Don’t forget the constant reminders from your parents letting you know they’re paying a lot for your tuition, so you best get your grades up. Because they can’t afford for you to just have fun in college and certainly won’t be letting you back in the house after you graduate, so you need to work harder in class and please for the last time stop posting things like that on Instagram because no one will hire you.

Okay, maybe you should start focusing a little more on school. Instead, you accidentally get on the Free and For Sale Facebook page and purchase a dog. They were going to kill it, so you obviously had to save it. Poor dog – you can’t feed yourself, so what are you going to feed him?

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Clemson University