‘I’m not playing the victim’: This is what it’s like being black at Clemson
‘I have never felt like a part of the Clemson family’
Two days ago, someone placed a bundle of bananas on an African American history banner on Fort Hill. President Clements soon addressed the incident in a campus-wide email.
“This type of conduct is hurtful, disrespectful, unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Clemson University is committed to providing a safe, encouraging environment which supports and embraces inclusiveness at every level.”
But you don’t have to explain to me how hurtful this is. I already know, because I’m a black woman at Clemson and I’ve been told to be silent for too long.
Overall, my experiences at Clemson have shaped me for the better. But discrimination does exist. This university has racism just like the rest of the world has racism. It’s present and it exists. And instead of dismissing the experiences of minority students on campus, maybe you should hear what we have to say.
Hear our stories, listen to our words and understand there is so much more you don’t get. Because despite what a lot of students are saying, we’re not blowing this out of proportion.
I’ve been told to be silent for too long, and it’s time for me to open up about my experience here so far.
My whole life I’ve been in predominately white schools, so being at Clemson, a PWI, wasn’t a shock to me. But coming here reminded me of my experiences from as far back as middle school. There were few people at my school who looked like me, so I always felt out of place. Students called me “burnt toast,” “monkey” and sometimes even the n-word.
It took a major toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I felt inferior to the white students in my class. I would lose confidence because I felt like the white kids knew more than me.
Once in high school, I became more confident in myself. I worked hard to earn a high GPA. Sometimes I would make better grades than my white friends and they’d be upset. They’d ask: “How in the world did you get a better grade than me?”
When I worked on group projects with other white students and they didn’t know what to do, I would always be the one to explain the instructions. They would nod in understanding, but they were always sure to check with another white student just to be sure I was correct. I always was.
I wasn’t taken seriously as a black woman, and once I realized this, I started to lose confidence in my abilities.
Girls would say my hair was nappy, so I tried straightening it so I could be “beautiful.” Some of my classmates would purposely try to make me angry – they said they wanted to see me get “ghetto.” My friends would compliment me by saying I was “beautiful for a black girl.”
“For a black girl” – that was always a backhanded compliment. That phrase implied black women aren’t beautiful. But we are. We are queens. It took me a little while to feel this way, but once I did, I vowed I would never be silent again.
So, why did I choose Clemson University? Honestly, it was close to home and has great academics. I think the campus is absolutely beautiful. Sure, I knew I might have to deal with a few of the same things as I did in high school, so I was prepared.
Like most freshmen, my first experience at Clemson was Orientation. It was a lot of fun, until I attended a skit by Clemson Ambassadors. They acted out a lot of scenarios we could face in our college years: being a part of the LGBT community, practicing safe sex, romantic relationships and friendships.
One of the skits I remember dealt with racial issues, but it seemed to be in the white person’s perspective only. But what about the perspective of a minority student? There are very few minority students here and being a part of a PWI can be overwhelming. I wanted to see a skit about racial minorities, but there wasn’t one.
And that’s when I began to fear my experience here at Clemson.
Since that experience, I have never felt like a part of the Clemson family. And it’s odd to feel like an outcast in your own university family – like if you speak up, people will claim you’re “playing the race card” or “being dramatic.” When minorities attempt to have their voices heard, we are silenced because people think we’re just playing the victim.
But I’m not playing the victim.
When the people placed the bananas on the Fort Hill banner – they have since come forward but will not face charges – they were sending a message. Speaking as a black woman, it was not the bananas that outraged us – it was the passive racism we have become so familiar with.
Stop saying we’re blowing this out of proportion and stop trying to think of hypothetical situations to justify it. Stop trying to silence us just because you’re tired of hearing our voices. If we’re ever going to unite as a Clemson family, we need to listen to each other.
I am tired of being told to be quiet because you find my outrage annoying. I will keep speaking until you listen.
When I mention race, I’m not playing the victim. I’m standing up for my beliefs. If we as black students feel threatened, we will stand up and speak out. You can’t silence us.
It took me a while to learn to love myself and be 100 percent proud of being black. Now, I wear my skin with pride. I will no longer be silent.
We need to have these uncomfortable discussions to have progress on Clemson’s campus. If we keep dismissing the problem, there will never be progress.