The eight stages of the Bucknell Plague

If you’re still healthy, save yourself

Bucknell is a University of many traditions: Color Games, the Convocation and Candlelighting Ceremony, Matriculation through the Christy Mathewson gates, and so much more.

There is one tradition, however, that is less advertised and that affects all Bucknellians: the Bucknell Plague.

It comes in waves several times each semester. The beginning of the semester is particularly awful for everyone (especially first-years), because of close living quarters and awful health habits (sharing chasers, for example) that soon develop after a few weeks on campus. There is occasionally a second wave, that strikes in the weeks leading up to Fall Break. It’s unknown whether it’s just an extra large first wave, or a second one, because there is always, at least, one sick person on this campus.

And now, the third wave begins. Stress is at an all-time high at this point in the semester, because Thanksgiving break immediately leads into finals stress. Finals stress, of course, is associated with lack of sleep, junk food, tears, and a weakened immune system. Even though the Plague strikes at different times each semester, the symptoms are almost always the same:

You wake up, either in the morning or from a nap, and there is a small scratch or tingly feeling at the back of your throat

You shrug, putting it off to too much talking or yelling during super. You continue with your business.

The scratchy feeling now feels like a sore throat, and your sinuses may or may not have already turned against you

If they haven’t, they soon will. The fluorescent lights in your classroom make your head pound, and all you want to do is nap.

The sore throat and sinuses become worse

You realize that that total hottie from the mixer or register last weekend totally got you sick and now you are PISSED. But it’s too late.

When you realize you won’t be getting better for weeks

You wake up (inevitably on the morning of an exam or a really important lecture), and you cannot get up

You have zero motivation (which is saying something because who really has motivation anymore this late into the semester?), and you can’t will yourself out of bed.

You send your professor an apologetic email explaining your circumstances.

You sit in your room all day, thinking about doing homework but not actually doing homework

You watch some Netflix (Stranger Things) and eat all of the stale, leftover Goldfish in your huge tub of snacks. You also watch all of those awesome Snap stories – like the one about how Kim’s butt literally looks like the peach emoji.

This is every morning for me

The next morning, you wake up and feel better

This is good, because you have an exam today in that one class that’s impossibly difficult. You studied a lot before you got ill, so you figure you’re fine. During exam time, you have to suppress several coughs. Your lungs decide that they’ve had enough, and you cough 12 times approximately every 3 minutes.

You sneeze and your nose starts running, which adds for another layer of noise to your hack-appella.

You wonder how in the hell you can be so congested while also having a runny nose

Also, why is one nostril unable to breathe while the other is completely fine? You may never know.

You’ve made it to the end of the week. You’ve got this

You had plans for the weekend to be fun, but instead you just sit around because you can barely talk or breathe without being uncomfortable.

Do these things even work

It’s okay, though. Most of campus is sick too, and you’re probably not the only one disrupting class with sniffling, coughing, and other sickly activities.

You’ll get through this. Unless you’re a first-year. Then you’ll likely be sick for at least another 3 weeks to a month.

The Plague really likes first-years.

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