All the guys you meet on Tinder in college
Calm your dicks and keep your pants on
Everyone knows it, and you or someone you know had it on their phones at some point. With time you come to realize there are certain kinds of guys on this “dating” app (let’s be honest, yeah some people find their boyfriend or girlfriend on here, but it’s primarily a hookup app).
The punny one/one with a great first message
This is one of the best guys out there. They’re amusing and know how to make you laugh.
Two points if he can keep it going throughout the conversation. Bonus points if he goes all out to make it his whole profile and bio (pictures included).
Give girls punny profiles. Girls love punny profiles. But remember there is a fine line between a punny profile and just a bad one. Take note.
The student athlete
No matter where you go, there are probably athletes at your school. On their profiles, they’ll have a picture of them participating in their sport, probably looking sweaty or like they’re doing really well.
They most likely think you’re super cool if you play a sport or workout. Bonus points if you lift.
Chances are they’ll have a picture in university apparel or team gear, so you can always tell they’re on a sports team.
If you live in a college-populated city there is at least one school around you dedicated to music education.
These guys are typically alternative and still slightly keeping alive their edgy emo-vibe from middle school.
Either that or they’re so laid back, they don’t wear clothes that fit them. Take your pick.
The insulting misogynist
Don’t get me started.
I’m a catch and your rude comments aren’t going to make me think any different.
Cash me sipping wine and screenshotting your messages to send to my friends so we can laugh at them. That is all.
The hot foreign one
There are always those foreigners who are studying in American universities or are studying abroad here in the States.
These are the hot guys with the even hotter accents you automatically want. Will you get them? Will you not? This is a very gray area. You will feel lucky if you do, but it’s a short thing because they’re probably leaving in a few months. And if they’re not? Score.
The much much older hottie
Sometimes older guys (i.e., a few years older than you have your app set for) have their ages younger than they actually are. They are just old enough where you’re like hot dammnn.
They’re nice to look at and flirt with, and could possibly become a sugar daddy, but usually we leave them in the app.
The one who messages you three years later
Chances are, if I haven’t messaged you in the past THREE YEARS, I probably don’t want to talk to you.
How do you even get to someone that far back? That takes some major commitment in scrolling, unless you regularly clean out your matches for whatever reason (or have hardly any matches oops).
The bootie caller
This guy gets right to the point. He knows why he’s here. He knows what the app is ~really~ for. He doesn’t give you any kind of cover story. This guy is a no-bullshit-beating-around-the-bush guy, but that doesn’t mean he is not full of shit.
There is also a subgroup to the bootie caller. This is the guy who only messages you when he’s drunk. You can tell because he tells you, or he is so far gone that even autocorrect can’t save his messages.
The friend with benefits
This is the guy that you matched with and started actually talking to.
He’s a cool kid and you have fun talking to him. It’s weird; you like him, you enjoy talking to him and hooking up with him, but you don’t find yourself catching feelings [*yet].
He’s always there to relieve your sexual needs, but you also have that casual convo that makes it chill.
The military guys
No matter where you go, you’ll find a guy in the military. They’re everywhere.
He is most likely in his uniform in at least two of his pictures. One point if he has one of those pictures as his first picture. Two points if he also has a tattoo, or has a picture with a fish.
The cute guy from high school that you never talked to
You’re online, so why not? It’s not like you have anything to lose.
It’s just to say, yeah you could have gotten him if you wanted. He might be a year or two older, but high school was years ago, so what’s the difference. Props if they actually try to make conversation or remember you.
The friend who you swiped right on because you thought it would be funny
Everyone loves a good joker.
If you find your friend on Tinder, you have to point out that you found them of course. So after you swipe right and give yourself some good laughs at their profile, you’ll probably message them “lol hey” or something along those lines to let them know YOU KNOW and it’s okay, you’re just friends.
If you message first and strike up a conversation, then go MIA, it’s weird. Weird, rude, and just… what?
What is the point of ghosting someone anyway? Let the conversation die naturally, don’t just disappear at the height of it. Appropriate times to not respond would be after a gif or the words “yeah” and “lol.” Inappropriate times to not respond would be after they reveal something intimate or vulnerable or after you’ve asked them a question.
The one who doesn’t get the hint
Again, if I don’t respond, that is not an open invitation to keep messaging me.
Let’s face it, some guys can take a while to get a hint but you’d think from trial and error there would be some learning going on.
No, I don’t want to fuck. I haven’t even responded to your last four messages. They were all sent days apart. I am aware of them. I am choosing not to answer.
The good conversationalist who turns out to be crazy
Ok, this one is a rare one because the conversation usually dies before you find out they are crazy.
When you do, it’s typically over text or in person because you decided to give them your number or meet up. Flash forward to talking over FaceTime when he starts attacking you about what you should have done in the past (before he knew you), and says that how many people you’ve had sex with matters (and if you lie it’s the worst sin). Come on bud.
There are more types of guys on Tinder, but not everyone comes across the tattoo artist or abnormally young CEO. Now, little grasshoppers, go out and message more informed.