We all know being the hot mess of the girl group is better than having your life together

Let me live and eat an entire pizza on a Saturday night OK?

You know there’s one in every girl gang — the girl who’s the scapegoat for getting everybody into all kinds of shenanigans on a night out. She’s the girl who everybody loves to hate, but when it comes to a party she’s suddenly an absolute A-lister. You go to her when you feel like your world is falling apart because you know comparing yourself to her will make you feel like you have your life together. If you don’t know this girl and you constantly find yourself waking up in strange places after a night out, the hot mess of the group is probably you.

Being the hot mess of the group, contrary to popular belief, can be a liberating and amazing experience. I blame the movies in large part for the way they portray this vital member of the girl gang. Bridesmaids makes Kristen Wiig the designated hot mess of the film and portrays her life as pretty lackluster in opportunity. She loses her job, lives with her mom, and her bakery closes down. She also can’t have a one night stand without being judged by her engaged best friend. In fact, Annie’s life pretty much sucks until she finds a man and get her life organized.

This narrative is bullshit. The hot mess of the group can do whatever she wants because there’s no expectations. So what, you disappeared for a couple of hours on a girl’s night out and nobody could get in touch with you because obviously you lost your phone? In those two hours you probably encountered many interesting strangers and had a unique experience of that venue than the rest of your girlfriends. In those two hours you left your comfort zone and learned more about yourself. Your girlfriends stuck together and hung out together for the fifth time that week but you put yourself into the unknown and for that you’ll get to know yourself better. Plus, it’s expected of you at this point so nobody will lash out at you for ditching them mid-night.

And girl please, don’t feel guilty about not being in a relationship at this point. The truth behind a hot mess is not that they are so “damaged” they can’t be in a relationship — it’s that they are so independent and busy living life according to instinct that a relationship would only hold them back. When you go out, you like to take that extra shot because you’re only responsible for yourself and don’t have to think about sending a coherent goodnight text to a significant other. It takes a special person to take on the hot mess of the group. Their commitment will be sincere because they know that by dating you, they get you plus all of your decisions, both good and bad. They get you for you because the hot mess gets to unapologetically be herself.

You get to drink wine on the weekdays, eat the extra cake, or even randomly stay in a hostel for a weekend, because the hot mess is spontaneous and therefore, nothing she does will come as a surprise. You’re the girl that everybody’s boyfriend hates. “She’s too wild,” he might say to your BFF, but you know that if your BFF had to choose a night in eating thai food with him or going to a new Asian club, that she’d choose you in a heartbeat. So they want to call you wild and irresponsible? Then show them just how wild and irresponsible you can be. Go out and celebrate your small victories, skip a week of laundry, end up in strange places unexpectedly, experience your life. And say cheers to a life full of mismatching socks and wonder.

More
BU