Just because it’s mating season doesn’t mean you should fall for a fuckboy

The Fall Fuckboy is a dangerous breed

October has finally arrived and your badass summer attitude has gone faster than your tan lines. All of a sudden the internet is filled with fall pictures full of too much aesthetic that has given you all the feels. Do you want to go pumpkin picking, hand-in-hand with bae, wearing matching flannels with a man full of No Shave November Scruff? Sound about right? I know I’ve been there, but it’s time to stop letting our expectations of autumn cloud our judgement for what we know is true: a fuckboy will always be a fuckboy.

Autumn is a fuckboy’s favorite season. Eager girls looking to find a mate begin their search as soon as the weather starts to cool down. They light their fall candles, open up their Tumblr feeds, and snuggle into bed with their hot chocolate. What’s better than snuggling in bed by yourself and looking at happy couples making leaf piles on your Tumblr? Getting in bed next to a man and taking adorable pictures bundled up featuring that lovely hot cocoa. It all seems so dreamy and you want it – no, you need it.

It’s too easy to be blinded by all the orange romance that’s thrashed in your face at every waking moment. Your fun and carefree persona has been reduced down to the girl who just wants to feel safety and comfort. You’re convinced that everybody has found love and is enjoying a sacred part of the season that you don’t have access to.

oh look another beautiful couple enjoying some beautiful weather

oh look another beautiful couple enjoying some beautiful weather

Well, it’s fake. Repeat after me: I will not settle for a fuckboy just to fit into a seasonal mold. Mating season isn’t real. There’s no season where love is more potent, just the image of it. But I promise fuckboys will feed off of this fake aura of romance to reel you in.

The Fall Fuckboy is sneakier and smarter than just the summer juicehead who uses his body as a lethal weapon. The Fall Fuckboy is a schemer. He invites a girl over to watch a scary movie just in time for Halloween and will even buy two Pumpkin Spice Lattes because he’s just oh so generous. C’mon ladies, this is a glorified version of ‘Netflix and Chill’. Don’t let him tempt you with empty promises of haunted houses; it’s just an excuse to grab your ass. He knows this is what you want. He’s been surrounded by the media just as much as you have and he’s done his homework. He’ll wear the right hoodies and Timberlands and have you swoon over just the right amount of facial hair.

The Fall Fuckboy is a danger to women everywhere. It’s OK to want a passionate and beautiful romance. You deserve it; you can yearn for it even. However, don’t ever reduce your self-worth to settling for this guy. Don’t let a fuckboy control your emotions because of some pumpkin and apple pictures.

pumpkin picking is even more fun without a fuckboy

Pumpkin picking is even more fun without a fuckboy

A season does not define a romance. The fuckboy will continue to do what he does best regardless of the weather: He will fuck you over. You deserve much more than a coward who hides behind an autumn mask. You are more than a seasonal romance. So go enjoy the colorful weather on a nice walk with your headphones in. Bon Iver’s new album will create all the aesthetic you need. Walk away, because mating season is a myth and here’s a secret: The sex doesn’t get better with the change of the weather anyways.

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