I’m a moderate Republican and I’m having an identity crisis

This election will be the first time I can vote and after all my years of waiting, this is what I got: two candidates who have made me question my entire belief system.

This election has been far from innocent. Although they never are, I can’t help but to feel jipped. From Trump’s tweets bashing every group in America to Clinton’s email scandal, I am ridiculously frustrated. These candidates have done nothing but embarrass themselves while campaigning to run the country I love.

So when somebody asks me who I’m voting for, an easy decision I would have once made, I cannot decide for the life of me.

I realized I was a Republican in high school when I started to watch the news and have conversations with educated adults about what politics really are. I’d be lying if I told you I have the answer now but I’ve learned a lot throughout the past couple of years. I’m not saying I’m a die-hard Republican who only sees red, but I tend to lean more towards that side when it comes to a political debate and economics especially.

So let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Donald Trump. I was ready to support my party in this year’s election until he came out of the woodwork and ruined everything that I thought was true. How could I support this man? He tweets like a high school boy who didn’t get his way and insults pretty much every group in America. He attacks most frequently women and Latinos. Surprise, I am both.

How do I vote for a man who says women who get an abortion deserve some kind of punishment? How do I vote for a man who’s attacked Carly Fiorina, his Republican candidate rival, multiple times about how her looks prove she cannot run our country?

When it comes to women, Trump does not have my best interests in his heart. This bigoted man has trashed Latinos in his social media postings and his speeches about how immigrants are most likely rapists and killers. I could not be in the country I love today unless my ancestors had the courage they did to come to America and build a wonderful life for themselves. So tell me again how it should be so easy for a Republican to vote for Donald Trump.

So I should just vote for the opposite, right? Wrong. Clinton has strong democratic beliefs that I just don’t agree with and her lies and deception throughout her campaign have rubbed me the wrong way. As a feminist woman I have also felt the pressure to vote for this woman; but I will not under any circumstances choose my president based on a gender because that in itself is sexist.

Although Clinton promotes women’s rights, is it worth having a president who constantly changes statements that she’s made and lies to the public about what she does and what she plans to achieve? Her private emails explicitly violated government policy and she received nothing but her face in the tabloids for the whole fiasco.

This woman is not a role model for me and yet her counterpart bashes my identity every time he appears in public.

As a 19-year-old latino woman, I do not know where I stand at this time. There is a candidate who is prejudiced against who I am and who I identify with and then there is a candidate who I disagree with her policy and feel betrayed by her lies so what do I do?

I will exercise my right to vote in this election and not let these two unqualified candidates ruin that for me because I know how many women and how many immigrants would’ve sacrificed everything to have their voices be heard. But if you ask me where I stand this year, I’d have nothing to say.

I’m a young woman who feels like she has lost her voice and sense of self in the complicated world of politics.