What happens when a chemistry major attends a COM lecture

For COM students, there is one lecture everyone has to take. This lecture is Introduction to Communication.

If you’re one of the many COM majors you know this class represents the hell that comes before starting classes actually relating to your major.

No, this lecture is not difficult, and no, it is not enjoyable. This is because of what happens during the lectures.

The only real fun students have is muttered comments between friends and Snapchats of what happens during the class.

After hearing about all the ‘fun’ we COM students have during these CO101 lectures, my friend, a chemistry major, decided to attend the final lecture to understand what we have ranted about throughout the past semester.

The title of his notes should itself give you an idea of how this lecture went.

“Reasons to not be a COM major: My first COM101 experience”

During the last lecture, we talked about interpersonal relationships, or relationships and interactions between two people. One of the models talked about which describes the stages of relationships is Knapp’s Relational Model.

The only notes he took on this model is this: “KNAPPS IS A F*CKING INCREDIBLE WORD. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Who is the one that they call Knapps and why is his last name so fucking awesome?”

Later in the lecture, Professor Vigil (can I call her Tammy now that I’m done with her class?) used a clip from Ellen that describes relationships.

Or as my friend’s notes say, “Ellen Degeneres knows her shit with relationships. Not television.”

At some point in this lecture, Tammy also started to talk about how pickup lines have become worse over time because people only use Tinder.

“According to Tammy, I need to find icebreakers/pickup lines. Here is a useful link: http://pickup-lines.net/.”

He noticed throughout the lecture that “Tammy’s pickup lines are straight fire” and “Tammy condones Facebook stalking.”

Professor Vigil gave many examples of pickup lines to use and not to use. One of Tammy’s amazing pickup lines had something to do with a humpback whale.

“Must use the humpback whale line in person at some point in my life.”

Tammy began talking about the Knapp’s Relationship Model again and how there are two stages to every relationship: initiating and terminating.

“STAGE TWO (TERMINATING): Now that you have initiated a relationship and things have gone pretty well, go mortal kombat style and rip out their heart and FINISH THAT BASTARD.”

Tammy then discussed the specific growth and deterioration stages in the Knapp’s Model.

ORDER OF GROWTH/ GROWTH STAGES

Initiation→Experimenting→Intensifying→Integrating→Bonding

1. Invite them to be initiated into your cult/frat.
2. Experiment with them. I mean hey, there’s no such thing as too weird and kinky.
3. Amp it up a notch. Be bold. Be yoU. BU.
4. Show off. Be a calculus buff and solve integrals in front of them.
5. Now that the calculus is out of the way, back to the fun. Who doesn’t enjoy a little bondage? No one. No one doesn’t enjoy bondage. “The prime talk of the heap”

DETIORATION STAGES/COMING APART NOW (Someone fucked up)

Differentiating→Circumscribing→Stagnating→Avoiding→Terminating

1. Call them a different name with every encounter you have. People love differentiating

2. I mean at this age, that’s a quite uncommon thing and would probably require a fairly serious medical procedure. But if you trust yourself and your medical abilities: you do you.

3. Getting boring? Welp. Time to take it up a notch and go hardcore.

4. Did you fuck up? Take it a little too far? Made a Be yoU joke in the act? Avoid that fucker like the plague.

5. Avoiding not working? Dig a hole in a random field and invite them over to “chat about what happened”. This is the part where you can be creative. But they must go. No exceptions. Bury them in the ditch and call it a day.

Like Tammy, my friend found it hard to stay focused on the topics at hand and began to show his train of thought in his notes: “Caveat=cavalier=cavaliers=basketball=ball=sportball=SPORTZ”