How to pregame in your Thursday night class
Cause you’re a hardo who needs to get to Garage
You’re in your Thursday night once-a-week, and your professor is getting really amped up about Thucydides.
And all you’re amped up about is the thought of going to Garage later, where you’ll chug overpriced drinks and get grinded on by random strangers (or that kid in your Econ class lol) while your roommate throws up all over your shoes. What more could you want?
By the time your class is over, your entire 8-man will already be taking pics in front of the American flag tapestry – which leaves you little time to get your drink on.
To rid you of your qualms, we’ve figured out a plan to satisfy your drinking needs. Don’t stumble when you get out of your seat at the end of class.
The basics![]()
The opaque bottle is key. Is that water you’re drinking out of a reusable bottle to stay hydrated? You environmentally conscious Eagle for others.
Or is it coffee to keep you awake? You overworked college student.
Or is it enough Rubinoff to get you plastered?
Keep the mystery alive.
The choice between these two depends on how much you want to hate yourself Friday morning.
Enough chaser so the drink will last 2.5 hours
The rules
Every time you catch yourself looking at the clock, take a drink.
Every time your professor makes some comment about Thursday night being a “party night,” drink till the awkwardness ends.
Every time that kid (the one who’s really into their participation grade) rephrases what the previous person said, drink enough to make them tolerable.
Every time your math prof says “stability,” drink till you become unstable 😉
When you take the break halfway through class, maybe drink some water because you’re starting to look like a dab and it’s not even 9.
When your pysch prof says “Freudian,” drink in honor of all those Freudian slips you’ll make later.
Every time you see the person next to you check their phone, drink.
When your poli sci prof says “constitutionalism,” drink enough to make our founding fathers proud.
Now go out and set your Thursday night aflame.