I tried the ‘Freshman 15’ of sex toys

Yes, apparently this is a thing


Unless you have a wicked fast metabolism, gaining the freshman 15 is inevitable. Between the copious amounts of alcohol you’ll binge drink and the late night food and munchies you’ll gorge on at the end of a boozy night, you’re bound to end the first year of college (or semester) with a robust food baby.

But apparently the freshman 15 isn't just about food anymore. Sex toy company Lovehoney sent The Tab their new "Freshman 15" line of products created with horny and poor college students in mind.

And sure, this is a cringe-inducing way of trying to sell sex toys to students, but who am I to turn down a freebie? For the sake of hard, investigative journalism, I tested out a few of them.

Lovehoney Silencer Whisper Quite Classic Vibrator 7 Inch – $24.99

If you have a roommate, this vibrator is a MUST. It’s got a few different vibration speeds and it’s totally silent, so you can even masturbate in your top bunk. The rippled shaft for internal stimulation is also a plus, and it’s even waterproof for when you move out of the dorms and have yourself a nice big bath to cum in.

Lovehoney BASICS Vibrating Finger Ring – $6.99

I’d take this little alien looking finger vibrator over an engagement ring any day. It’s a little hard to get the vibrations started, but once it’s on it’s really powerful. Use it alone or with a partner, but remember to turn it off when you’re done ‘cause the battery only lasts 30 minutes and isn’t replaceable. The good news is that the vibrators are so intense that you probably don’t need more than a couple minutes for each use anyway. Plus, you can buy three of them for $20.

Lovehoney Basics Rabbit Vibrator – $26.99

Popularized by Sex and the City, rabbit vibrators can run into the triple digits, so this bad boy is truly a steal. Frankly, I was quite nervous to try this toy out. I don’t love using vibrators internally on myself —I’m much more of a clitoral stimulator when I masturbate. But since I wasn’t with my boyfriend, I used it alone and came three times in a row. Blessed to have that refractory period, yo!

Definitely use a lot of lube with the rabbit, and don’t be intimidated by its size. The multiple orgasms are worth it. Trust me.

Lovehoney Reversible double Stroke Intense Tickler – $16.99

This is the weirdest sex toy I’ve ever used and I couldn’t help but laugh the entire time I stroked it up and down my boyfriend’s shaft. He said he’d never use it without me, and since it was dirty I just threw it out. The clean up might be difficult, but it definitely induced euphoria. I recommend this toy for the adventurous couple or male seeking an affordable alternative to the Fleshlight.

Tease by Lovehoney Furry Handcuffs – $12.99

Ah, handcuffs. What a classic. If you want to dip your toe in the pool of rougher sex, get a pair of cuffs. The coat of fur makes me feel really sexy and it’s so hot when my boyfriend uses them to totally dominate me. And when I’m not using them, they hang on my dresser as decoration.

Lovehoney Butt Tingler 5 Function Vibrating Butt Plug Small – $24.99

Let me preface this by assuring you that yes, there will be poop. Not copious amounts, but some. Also, this butt plug took my anal virginity and I absolutely loved it — and not just because it's purple. To prep, my boyfriend and I watched a few YouTube videos on how to use it, discussed the possibility of poop, and lathered the plug with LOTS of lube.

Inserting and taking the plug out were the most uncomfortable parts of using it, but the sex was on a new level. The plug made my vagina feel tighter than usual which enhanced both my boyfriend’s orgasm and mine. I highly recommend this toy if you’re a beginner interested in anal play. It’s easy to clean and I enjoyed the vibrating settings a lot more than I thought I would – usually I go for intense speed over pattern on my clit, but anal play expanded my horizons (and my butthole, obviously).

50 Positions of Bondage Cards – $6.99

These are fun to use whether you’re an amateur or pro BDSM player. Flip through them to learn bondage positions, or whip them out at a boring party and build a fantasy. Winner takes all.

To top it all off, Lovehoney is offering a 20 percent student discount on all their products. God, I wish I was still in college. Then again, I got to try these all for free. Journalism has its perks.