I low-key want a thigh gap, but only so my legs don’t chafe in this damn heat

Every woman with thick thighs knows that death would literally be more comfortable than chafing.

As a size 8-14 — depending on what fucking scam I am buying my jeans from this time — beauty standards haven’t necessarily been the kindest to me. It took years of self-love literature and Ashley Graham’s Instagram posts for me to love my body.

But now that I don’t hate my body because society tells me to, I’ve been lucky enough to find a whole new reason to remember that I hate being thick: God-awful chafing.

In shorts, in a dress, in pants — my thighs are always rubbing together and it stings worse than that time I got dumped in a bar.

The chub rub only gets worse in the summer, when sweat makes the inside of my legs literally rub themselves red.

But what’s maybe more annoying than the temporary pain of chafing is the lifelong damage it does to my closet. The holes in the thighs of my favorite leggings and jeans have me questioning if it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Basically, I love how my body looks but I hate how it feels, you know? I need that thigh gap. But only when I am walking around in a particularly prized pair of pants or when its over 80 degrees outside. And I need to keep my boobs and butt — all the time.