Please be careful this month, it’s Gemini season and I’m worried about all of you

Well, we all knew this day would come eventually. I mean, it comes at the same time every year but it's like your annual gynecologist appointment in the sense that it doesn't hit you until your legs are in the air.

Gemini season, the darkest 30-day stretch in the calendar. It's here, and I really need you to listen to me because it's for your own health: don't you fuck with any Geminis, OK?

Geminis are…como se dice…demons.

I know we joke about Geminis a lot when we're all out here Having a Good Time Online™ but our humor is just a coping mechanism to help us deal with the very serious repercussions of having a Gemini in our lives.

Their personalities are about to multiply like some kind of sexy gremlin, and we're truly powerless in their wake. Because even though they're unholy snakes bent on destroying society as we know it and consuming the human race is fiery conflagration, they're kind of charismatic and hot. I mean Mike Pence, literally the devil, is hot in an evil Bart Bass from Gossip Girl kind of way, right? Just me? Fine.

Even Beyonce's unborn twins can't save us, so I would just like to announce my support for Blue Ivy now in the power struggles she'll undoubtedly have with them in a few years.

Gird your loins, things are gonna get scary.