Sex and Dating Diaries: The 22-year-old confused about what exactly she wants in NYC

Sex and Dating Diaries is a new series by babe that explores the real love lives of young women across the United States.

A large majority of young women’s media glamorizes the idea of dating, sex and relationships, but we all know things are hardly ever as clean as they seem.

Carly, 22

Location: Brooklyn, New York

Looking for: Some form of emotional stability, and/or someone who is a reliably good fuck. She hasn’t been in a relationship in over two years, but she’s also convinced every person she meets is going to change that.

Personal blocks: Quick to run away from commitment, but mad when people do the same thing to her.

Mostly meets people on: Tinder, until she got kicked off for that $5 thing. Now, bars?

SATURDAY, March 25

10 p.m.: Head to a bar to eat fries, drink margs and bitch about boys with a coworker before going out.

12 a.m.: We meet up with friends at a rooftop in Bushwick before hitting the clubs, and make a vow to go up and talk to any attractive guys we see. We’re pulling tonight.

12 p.m.: We spot two hot guys sitting together, and walk up to them. They’re boring, so we pretend we have to pee, and book-it to the next club.

3 a.m.: Get a text from the guy I lost my virginity to when I was 18. He always texts me when he’s drunk. But the next day, he never remembers. Kind of reminds me of Freshman year.

4 a.m.: Take an uber home with my coworker and cut our losses. More space for us.

SUNDAY, March 26

12 p.m.: Meet up with the girls for a boozy brunch.

2 p.m.: The boy I used to obsess over (7 years?) confronts me about not answering his texts anymore. I slept with him last month, and ever since I’ve lost all interest. I think I just liked the chase. I’m honest with him for the first time in my life.

6 p.m.: Spend about an hour too long swiping on Tinder. Match with a few people, and wait for them to message me first, because I’m one of those girls.

8 p.m.: Get a message from one of them, and it doesn’t start with ‘;P’. He’s an architect and we decide to meet for drinks this week.

MONDAY, March 27

8 a.m.: Check for new matches on my way to work — nothing to report here.

6 p.m.: Get a text from a coworker to meet him and his girlfriend for drinks.

11 p.m.: On the way home I text architect-tinder-boy to ask when we should meet. Fall asleep and wake up to a text that says ‘Wednesday’.

TUESDAY, March 28

9 a.m.: Arrive to work to an email I’ve been kicked off Tinder, and realize my sex life in New York is about to get tricky.

6 p.m.: Get a text from an old high school flame, Zach, alerting me to the fact he and his girlfriend of four years have broken up. He always thought he was better than me, but I say yes to drinks anyway.

8 p.m.: We meet at a bar in Manhattan, and he tells me he’s going on vacation with another girl next month. I laugh, down my drink and walk out.

WEDNESDAY, March 29

8:30 a.m.: Wake up late, arrive to work looking shitty and realize I’m meant to meet Tinder boy, Alex, tonight.

11 p.m.: We make out outside of the subway before heading our separate ways. Feels random to invite him over, but he’s a good kisser, so I presume he’ll be good in bed.

THURSDAY, March 30

7 a.m.: Text tinder boy to say I made it home last night, but fell asleep before messaging.

7:30 p.m.: Head home from work absolutely exhausted. Have partied too many night this week and haven’t slept enough. Decide to order seamless, power-off my phone, and stay in.

FRIDAY, March 31

2 p.m.: An ex something-or-other from college texts me he’ll be visiting Brooklyn next week. Last time he visited we had a lot of sex, but we haven’t spoken since. He’s the most well-endowed person I’ve ever been with, but he can’t be tied down, and I’ve given up. I’ll probably see him while he’s here anyway.

SATURDAY, April 1

10 p.m.: The high school flame going on vacation with another girl texts me again. He wants me to come out with his friends.

11 p.m.: We hit the bars and end up breaking off from the group around 2 am to head back to my place. He’s way better in bed than I remember, but maybe I’m just drunk.

Says he remembers me mentioning I “like it rough” (I do), and he takes it to heart, smashing my face into the pillow and twisting my hair around his wrist.

SUNDAY, April 2

10 a.m.: I wake up covered in bruises, and Zach’s back is scratched to hell. I walk him to the subway and he tries to kiss me before getting on, but I back away awkwardly and wave like I’ve never interacted with a human.

12 p.m.: I’m meeting my dad for his birthday, so I cover the bruises from last night with foundation and head into the city.

1 p.m.: Get a text from Zach about the goofy guy in the uber with us last night. I open it but wait to answer.

3 p.m.: I’ve waited too long and now it feels weird. I think about starting a different conversation with him instead, but decide against it.

4 p.m.: Get a text from a banker I used to sleep with last summer. He wasn’t great in bed, but I was attracted to his power. Ever since he confided in me about being bi he’s been out of touch. He sees my snapchat story in Manhattan and asks if I’m free.

6 p.m.: We meet in Central Park, but my bag gets stolen, and I ask him to get me an Uber home.

6:30 p.m.: Get a text from architect-Tinder boy who wants to meet up. I tell him I’m locked out, and he comes to help break me in. We can’t leave because we have no keys, so he makes us dinner, and we watch Netflix while fumbling through some super-awkward first-time sex.

He finds my clit right away (hallelujah!), but he finishes within about 3 minutes, and I don’t know what to do, so I go to sleep.

1 a.m.: We wake up and I ask him to leave. I can tell he’s offended, but I don’t like people staying over on work nights, and I hate feeling a stranger on my side when I sleep.

MONDAY, April 3

10 a.m.: Still trying to figure out how to start a conversation with Zach.

10:30 a.m.:  Get a text from some dude I went on a Tinder date with once.

1 p.m.: Architect boy texts asking if I want to meet up tomorrow. Maybe the sex was just a case of first time nerves? Probably not.

3 p.m.: I finally text Zach about something from the other night. Radio silence.

Check back here next week for our next diary, and if you’re interested in being featured, send an e-mail to [email protected]

All names are changed or blurred out for the sake of anonymity.