The best reactions to The Tab’s April Fools’ stories from across America
Did we trick you?
Matt McDonaldFinally, some fake news we can all enjoy.
In the early hours of this morning, our students published April Fools’ stories with the devious intention of duping their readers. Did you fall for it? Here are all the stories we made up today.
babe
If you were shocked by the story of how Urban Outfitters are selling a “Free the Nipple” t-shirt for $79 – you can relax now. It’s not true.
Hook, line and sinker
Boston University
BU haven’t had a football team since the 90s, so naturally people were excited when we announced its return. April Fools’ – stick to hockey for now, Terriers.
Bucknell
When we said that the Trump Organization were looking to build a hotel and golf course near Bucknell — we were lying.
Cornell
Contrary to our earlier reports, Newt Gingrich was not buying fishbowls in Level B last week.
And the following quote is not true: A member of Cornell College Republicans, Flora Piol told The Tab: “He was buying everyone fishbowls, shouting for the DJ to play Pitbull. We last saw him pounding Jägers with some bros from Delta Chi talking about how he could take Sean Spicer in a fight.”
seems legit tho
Florida State
Anyone heading to Pot’s in Tallahassee tonight expecting it to be open for a “24 hour rage-a-thon” — prepare to be disappointed.
Iowa
If you believed that Ashton Kutcher was returning to the University of Iowa to finish his degree — you’ve been absolutely Punk’d.
yes we faked this
Michigan
The University Union’s refurbishment will probably NOT include a Panera Bread, a Dunkin’ Donuts and a Chipotle. Sorry.
NYU
Those of you hyperventilating over the prospect of Lena Dunham guest-lecturing on intersectional feminism at NYU — you may calm yourselves.
dead
Ohio State
Dog owners of Columbus can rest easy — we were straight up lying when we said that dogs were banned from the Oval. Bring all your dogs. As many dogs as possible.
Oregon
If you were worried about the upcoming ban on cycling and skateboarding on campus, fear not — it’s not happening.
Penn State
Those of you who read our story earlier and are now heading out in State College expecting the four main bars to be open until 4AM — I’d get ready for a slightly earlier bedtime.
Rutgers
We took Rutgers students for a ride when we said that FINALLY a normal bus service would run on weekends.
Rhonda we feel 4 u
Temple
OK but actually we feel kind of bad for this one. We all love Wawa, and we would love for there to be plans for one on Temple campus. Sadly, there are no such plans at this point. Shout out to the local Philly journalist who contacted Wawa’s corporate office for comment. And Wawa, if you’re reading this — give the people what they want.
There are plenty of other good schools
UC Berkeley
Unfortunately, the 2007 Milo Yiannopoulos rejection letter from Berkeley’s admissions office is no more than a forgery. But the idea that his “sensitivity” renders him “unsuitable for the vigorous environment” of UC Berkeley seems to ring true, right?
UC Irvine
The prospect that UC Irvine would no longer be charging for parking is no doubt an enticing one. Unfortunately, our story on it is a complete fabrication.
ssssssooooorrrrrryyyyyy
UCLA
While the idea of the Powell cat getting a statue in its honor was undoubtedly meow-sic to the ears (sorry) of Bruins, tragically, it’s not something that’s coming to pass.
University of Southern California
Listen here, bud. I know you think the idea of Tomi Lahren studying for a Masters at USC after her sacking is pretty triggering, but I’ve got news for you, snowflakes: It. Ain’t. Happening.
no wait come back
Wisconsin
Our team at UW-Madison made a whole fake line-up for their Revelry concert. Props to them for their Photoshop skills.