What happens when your boyfriend leaves you for another man?
We asked a sex therapist
I remember the Halloween weekend my boyfriend and I took a break. The next Monday, after an overkill of “I miss you” messages, we agreed to meet up.
“I slept with someone,” he told me. “I slept with a guy.”
I didn’t do too well of a job at hiding my surprise.
After we broke up, some of my guy friends asked me if I knew he was with a boy. I didn’t, but I figured.
Because this situation is actually not that uncommon, babe spoke with Dr. Michael Aaron, a licensed sexologist and sex therapist in New York City.
“When left for a woman there is more a feeling of competition. When left for a man, the woman may feel like the entire relationship was a lie,” Aaron said. “There is a lot of hurt and doubt — questioning if he was gay and entering into a relationship with false pretenses” adding that the relationship’s demise can be “completely destabilizing.”
When handling a situation like this, Dr. Aaron emphasizes the importance of having a strong support network of friends and family but also educating yourself on the issue.
“Anytime your world is thrown upside down like that, you need a support network. There are organizations that are specifically designed for this, like straightspouse.org. The website is a resource for the heterosexual spouse, usually the woman, who finds out their partner is gay. There are also a number of online groups and in person meet ups for people in the same situation”
“Education is also important. Even if you feel hurt and betrayed, your partner probably isn’t a malicious person. You need to understand the social stigma and taboos with being gay or closeted. Try to feel empathy for the struggles of your partner. I would suggest having a therapist as a facilitator to help the couple figure out what to do.”
It was difficult, and sometimes still is, for me to realize that I had nothing to do with sexuality or decision to be with men. Even if my self-esteem was shot, what he went through was much more difficult and ultimately, he was a lot braver than I would have been.