Where in the feminism rulebook does it say we can’t criticize other women?

Honest critique and even dislike isn’t ‘tearing other women down’

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It’s a truly wonderful thing that women as a whole are embracing feminism in a more mainstream and complete way than ever before. Not to sound like the beginning of every horrible valedictorian speech ever, but the dictionary defines feminism as follows:

The official definition of feminism is a straightforward one, and something we all know thanks in large part to a Beyonce song: it’s equality of the sexes. Somewhere along our road to embracing this ~radical~ idea, though, we picked up the auxiliary idea that to offer criticism of a woman is to be inherently anti-feminist. Which is, y’know, patently false.

Particularly in the world of white, female celebrities, criticism is tantamount to literal murder. It’s impossible to write, say, or express anything even remotely negative without being inundated with enough hate to make you delete your account. Whatever. That’s stan culture. But there are always a large handful of comments that follow the same thread:

We’ve come to think that to criticize, question, dislike or be unsure of another women is anti-feminism — that it’s “tearing women down” (it’s always that phrase). This is bullshit.

The idea that feminism is a sleepover, a sorority where everyone is best friends in a big group chat of life is ridiculous and it stunts our growth. We need to be able to to question women, call them out, or even, yes, hate them. What makes it okay is that we question, call out and hate for valid reasons, not just because they’re women. We offer said valid reasons, upon which we, in turn, can be judged. Discourse drives change. If everything was all snap cups and grinning emojis, nothing would ever get gone.

When I say that I hate Betsy DeVos (and I really do — fuck you, Betsy), it’s not because she’s a woman. It’s because she’s an insufferable bonehead unfit to run a Best Western, much less our entire public education system.

When I say I dislike Taylor Swift or wasn’t a fan of Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl show, it’s not anti-feminist because I’d still think that way if they were men. If you want to defend Taylor Swift with your own valid reasons, that’s fine too. We are allowed to have a conversation. That’s what’s being lost in these accusations fired back and forth in comment sections.

We can’t allow ourselves to put up an impenetrable wall of blind acceptance and love because we’ll never grow that way. Men don’t do that with each other. They take snipes and critique because they can, and we can too. Or at least we should.

When criticism is lobbed, we’ve got to take our fingers out of our ears, stop screaming la-la-la over and over again and actually metabolize what’s been said. That’s how we can grow as a community of women and allies.

To reject every single negative comment out of hand as anti-feminist is to say “you only think that because so-and-so is a woman” which, when coming from other women, is rarely the case. When you’re criticized by another women, think about why. What experience and scope might she have that you don’t? What can you improve to help further the cause? It’s time to leave the sleepover and step out into the harsh sunlight of day.