I want him to text me just so I can ignore him

Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he didn’t get your joke. Maybe he lost his phone.

With a mimosa in one hand and your willpower not to care in the other, you spend your brunch complaining that the guy you flirted with all day yesterday hasn’t texted you back. As you search for the rational answers to your burning desire for a text back, it happens. Your phone buzzes and amidst all the excitement you almost drop all the fucks you don’t give.

And then you don’t read it, because everyone knows you just got everything you wanted — the text you can now comfortably ignore. The ball is officially in your court and you plan to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Minutes will go by — maybe even hours — before you decide to respond. It really depends on how strong you are or if you and your friends have had enough time to craft the perfect response.

He probably thinks you’re “busy” or “didn’t see it” or were “with your mom.” How wrong he is. You saw his text. You always see his text. But ignoring it gives you a feeling of pure satisfaction and savage ruthlessness that you feed off of.

Sure it’s all part of the game, and as much as you say you hate it, you play to win.

It’s normal human behavior to want what we can’t have — or at least what we think we can’t have. And just like you spent the last 20 minutes of your life hoping that one specific person would text you, you’re going to turn the tables and give them a taste of what it feels like.

So you glance at your phone, smile, and without second thought you turn back to take a sip of your drink while you discuss the latest gossip.

Does ignoring a guy’s text defeat the purpose of your entire “Why isn’t he texting me back?” argument? Yes. Do you care? Nope. Because the joy that comes with knowing you have all the power overcomes all sense of logic.

When you ignore two guys at once

You struggle to understand the girls who respond to a text immediately. Have they even thought this through? What do they plan to get out of this? Do they know there is another option? WHY ARE THEY USING EMOJIS?

Not you. You are stronger than that. You won’t answer a text unless at least 30 minutes have gone by. Enough time to make them wonder what else you could be doing that’s better than talking to them. Enough time to make them want what they don’t already have. It’s your moment of full control.

Ignoring a guys text isn’t evil — it’s calculated brilliance. It’s a testament to the fact you actually might like them. Does it make any sense? Of course not. But it doesn’t have to.

So once enough time has gone by you’ll respond as if you had no idea it’s been three hours. You’ve had your fun, and you’ve decided it’s time to throw the ball back and see what he does with it.

And just as you hit send, you’re right back where you were 30+ minutes ago — wondering why he’s ignoring you.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● How to train a fuckboy
● Your definitive guide to eye fucking guys at a bar 
● How to make a guy jealous: the tips and tricks that will drive him wild 

@elenimitzali